Welcome to summer school, class. Today we have our favorite substitute, Professor Dean (self-proclaimed dating expert), here to impart his wisdom on remembering only the good, or vice-versa, only the bad of relationships once they have ended.

There is power in editing.

Most great pieces of art, be them film, music or acrylic-on-canvas, require some careful refinement before they become great.

So it is with relationships. Past relationships, that is.

Have you ever looked back nostalgically on what you once thought was a “bad” relationship, only to find yourself wishing for the good times you just can’t get out of your head? That is because our minds–in their remarkable power to mess with us–have a tendency to cut the boring scenes, minimize the bad scenes, and really highlight the best moments.

Just like the trailer for Thor.

Now, if you’re single, this isn’t such a big problem. Sure, it may cause you to get back together with this person until you realize that the sequels are just as bad as the original and that they will never get better (except, of course, in the case of Fast and Furious–I hear they really got it right by #5).

The bigger problem occurs when you start comparing your current relationship with your former relationship: Your current relationship is uncut Reality TV. It includes the mundane moments, the hard times, the unscripted, unedited, live, always-on footage. And, even worse, the Greener Grass Syndrome often can cause your brain to screw up the most recent editing while you have full and complete access to the relationship–making you somehow compound the bad and minimize the good.

Don’t trust it.

Don’t walk out of the movie you’re watching just because the trailer of a different movie looks better than what you’re watching now.

More than likely, you’ll be wishing for a refund.

Summer School

Hello class. You will have to forgive me in advance, today’s lesson comes from a place of deep seeded anger and there is something I just need to get off my chest.

What? You don’t think teachers get angry and vent to their class? Think again.

Today’s lesson is on a little thing I like to call “environmental dating.”

Environmental Dating: the act of dating a person whom you have previously had a relationship with in an effort to avoid going out of your comfort zone to meet someone new, yet expecting a new (happier) outcome.

Synonyms include: re-dating, second chances, recycling, re-use, starting over, insanity, rerun

I will admit to being the worst offender of environmental dating. For those of you who are not long time Blogfully Your’s readers, I’ve mentioned environmental dating at least a half dozen times. Hell, that’s how my ex got his blog name of ED in the first place! We dated, broke up. Dated, broke up. Took a year break. Dated, broke up. Etc. Etc.

Learn from my mistakes people, do not date your exes!

But, but, you love him/her and they swear they have changed…

(insert rolling of eyes)

Fine.

You get one chance.

ONE.

Follow my simple environmental dating golden rule:

If at first you don’t succeed, go ahead, try again.

But, if at second you don’t succeed,

STOP! FUCKING! TRYING!

Blogfully yours,

Miss Summer

Dating debating, Summer School

Today’s lesson will be taught by your substitute teacher. Professor Dean, the self-proclaimed “dating expert,” is a colleague and drinking buddy friend of mine. Pay close attention class. No really, pay close attention or his mind blowing thought process might just go over your head.

Why Summer can’t stay single: Dean’s Law of (e)Motion

As you all know by now, Summer has pretty much jumped back into a relationship. I give her props for being able to wait a whole three months before taking this step. But why, you may ask yourself, does it require such restraint for Summer to stay out of a relationship while so many other seemingly desirable people have such trouble getting into one?

One word: physics.

I believe it was good ‘ol Isaac Newton that said an object in motion tends to stay in motion. But how does that apply to Summer? Let me explain. When someone is successfully single, they tend to stay in that groove. Sure, they’ll date someone for a little bit, but sooner or later they’ll discover this person is oh-so-wrong for them and that the relationship will never work out because of something very legitimate and super disappointing.

The long-term relationship lane is a very different one. This is because “lovers lane” is full of people that have been in relationships for so long, that making the adjustments necessary to make a relationship work has become part of who they are. When you put two of those people together–providing there’s adequate interest on each side–it’s nearly impossible for nature to not run its course. That’s not to say that the serial monogamists aren’t picky–they every bit as picky as their serially single friends. But, they’re so accustomed to being in the world of couples–with their couply friends, and their practical vehicles and their formerly-shared furniture–that they find it’s just easier to stay in it…even if they’re in it by themselves for a little while.

So, how does a single person get into this clingy club? The easiest way is to find a recently-single serial monogamist and hold on for the ride.

Just like John is trying to do.

~ Prof. Dean

Summer School

Today we are studying the human body, or physiology (if you want to get all technical). More specifically, we are studying Muscle Atrophy.

Muscle atrophy is defined as a decrease in the mass of the muscle; it can be a partial or complete wasting away of muscle. When a muscle atrophies, this leads to muscle weakness, since the ability to exert force is related to mass.

For the students in the class who are paying attention and have already guessed why we are studying atrophy, you get TEN GOLD STARS! For the rest of you, let me explain.

About three, maybe four weeks after not using my broken foot, my calf muscles just up and disappeared. As in POOF. Here today, gone tomorrow.  I wasn’t so naive as to think I would keep the muscle tone in my unused leg, but I was completely blindsided by the vanishing act it pulled.

You see, I had never heard of atrophy.

As you can imagine, this was quite upsetting to me.

After Facebook “friends” informed me what had happened to my vanishing calf muscle, I was also informed that, according to some,  my leg would never be the same again and I would always have one leg smaller than the others.

This information? It was not helpful.

I am, however, happy to report that my doctor and my ex-personal trainer both think Facebook is wrong and that with the proper training I will be back to normal in no time. I realize that it won’t spontaneously come back and it will require work, but it WILL come back!

So, what did we learn today?

Muscles will flat out disappear when you don’t use them for extended periods of time and Facebook is filled with dirty lying whores, most of which are my friends.

Class dismissed.

Blogfully yours,

Ms. Summer

Anklegate, Summer School

Attention class.

Today’s lesson is a very useful one. Not only is it short and to the point, it will also serve you well as a conversation starter the next time you are sipping a cold one with your buddies.

Beer.

Beer was originally invented in Egypt. True story. Apparently some dude was really thirsty and drank water that bread had been sitting in for a few days.  May sound gross to you, but this is the discovery of a life time. Soon they were slow boiling grains all the time and this brew became the Egyptians preferred drink of choice. So much that they began to chose beer over water.

News to you? It is to most people.

Now go out and enjoy a cold one. It is Wednesday after all.

Class dismissed.

Blogfully yours,

Ms. Summer

Summer School

Whew… first day of class. Teacher is a little nervous.

tap tap tap

Attention class. Attention! Today’s lesson is going to be on football and a little thing called “The Pac-10.” Now girls, don’t roll your eyes, this is important as you will likely never hear the end of it – especially those of you who live in Utah, Colorado or any other state with a Pac-10 school.

However, since this is Summer School, all lessons will be condensed and put into easily digestible tidbits. Wouldn’t want anyone to work too hard after all.

So. Here is all you need to know about the Pac-10.

The Pac-10, or Pacific-10 Conference, is made up of ten really important, fancy-shmancy colleges like Stanford and UCLA. Recently, the big shots at the Pac-10 got together and decided why the hell not add two more schools into our elcusive little club. So they did.

The University of Utah and the University of Colorado.

Still with me?

I’m not sure why they aren’t calling it the Pac-12 now. You’d think that would be a no brainer… but I digress.

Now, being invited to be a part of this conference is like, a really, really, big figgin deal! They only invite schools who excel in not only sports, but also academics. So since the University of Utah is a research school who, well, excels at research, they felt we were qualified. So yeah… go us!

To be able to hold your own in a conversation about the University of Utah and the whole Pac-10 thingy, I’ve developed a few lines for you to use when you find yourself in that situation, and you will, if you live in Utah, Colorado, or any other Pac-10 state.

“I hear that in 2011, when Utah joins the Pac-10, that they will serve beer in the stadium. That totally rocks! Now we don’t have to lose our buzz after the tailgating party or sneak booze in. Score!”

“I hear that since we are now a part of the Pac-10 that means one of the U of U girls will get to be in Playboy. That totally doesn’t suck.”

“I hear that since more of the games we play in will be televised the school will get like, millions of additional dollars so they can recruit even better players to the school. We are totally going to dominate now!”

My personal favorite.

“Isn’t it great how the U of U is going to be in the Pac-10 Conference while BYU is still stuck in the Mountain West Conference? Sucks to be them.”

That wasn’t so bad now was it?

This whole teaching thing is going to be a breeze.

Oh yeah, class dismissed.

Blogfully yours,

Ms. Summer

Summer School

I’ve had this fuzzy idea clinking around inside my head for quite some time.

Like, maybe a month or something.

It started out with a, hey, that might be funny to add to my blog.

Then, I sat on it.

But it didn’t go away. It kept  getting… fuzzier and clinking louder.

Because in my head fuzzy things clink.

Until the next thing I know I’m naming the damn thing, hiring a makeup artist, wardrobe consultant and photographer. And by hiring I mean I asked friends and supplied booze.

“Summer School,” a new weekly feature here on Blogfully Yours, will officially be unveiled in the next day or so.

Until then, here is a sneak peak of the fuzzy idea’s visual transformation.

First coat of mascara, applied by the talented Karina the Russian

Red lips and a zombie impression

Eye shadow

Eye liner

Second, maybe third, coat of mascara

Wardrobe change and last minute decision to add red nails into the mix.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a lesson to prepare.

Blogfully yours,

Summer

Summer School