A friend of my commented to me tonight that “ignorance is bliss” which really got me thinking, IS ignorance really bliss? I won’t lie, for a moment I was completely sold on the idea. But then the next obvious cliche line came to mind; “it is far better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all.” Is that painful statement true? Which one is more accurate?

In my short life time I have loved and I have lost, over and over again. Each time I learn a lesson and I chalk it up to building character and forming me into the person I am today, but, I fear that after every breakup I become more and more jaded.

Outside my apartment there was a couple fighting. I couldn’t hear what the fight was about but it aided in my further reflection on past relationships. I have been in some where yelling came standard. I have been in one where if I dared to raise my voice I was met only with silence. Fighting, or rather, heated discussions, can have the tendency to make you feel alive. To have someone who evokes that much passion in you, to make you feel strongly one way or another, to actually feel the fire raise up inside you until you blow, is…something. Not necessarily good, but something. If nothing else it means you care enough to be upset. The reason this is of significance is because I have also been in relationships where that fire never existed, where I never cared enough to get upset. Truly, to know happiness you must know sorrow. You will never appreciate pleasure without having experienced pain. So where is the happy medium?

Sometimes I begrudge all of the pain that my search for love has caused me. I am, of course, no saint and have caused my share of pain along the way. I feel it is only natural to wish none of it had ever happened at all, that I had never felt a broken heart, had never cried myself to sleep, that I never knew the regret of loosing someone I truly cared about. Deep down I crave love, just as I am sure so many of you do, but I also fear it. Sometimes I feel it is easier to just keep my heart guarded and locked away. If you never let anyone in, you can never get hurt, right? But even that is not true because you hurt yourself in the process.

Honestly I don’t have any answers. Maybe if I did I wouldn’t be writing this post instead of finishing my math homework. But I wanted to put down my thoughts before I lost them and decided it wasn’t worth revisiting again…because reflection hurts. It may help you grow, but it stings in the process.

Your comments on the subject are welcome here. Don’t hold back.

Blogfully yours,
Summer

Emotions get the best of me, Just me, sometimes I get on a soap box

Today it is freezing outside! Seriously, I think it actually froze last night. Just checked the weather website and it is 32 (crap where is the little temperature circle thingy button????) degrees outside. This actually caused me to get excited because I bought a TRUE fall dress while in California that I haven’t had the chance to wear yet. Now, my friend Kelli, who lives in sunny San Diego, would have us believe that fall dresses are the same as summer dresses but in different colors. I.E. still light, still sleeveless…so not Fall. I have decided to set the record strait as she is obviously confused and has completely turned her back on Utah fashion.

Now the first thing you will notice is that I am like 2 feet taller than my receptionist. This is not an optical illusion. Second you will notice that my dress is long sleeved AND I have leggings on! My receptionist has a sweater dress with a long sleeved shirt underneath. She has fabulous tan legs so she doesn’t have anything underneath and is consequentially sitting at her desk with a space heater. Yep, pretty sure as soon as Kel sees this picture she is going to want to move back home.

Just me, Random, sometimes I get on a soap box

Ok…DO vote. If you are not registered, you have about 3 days to get registered so you better get on that. Don’t put it off any longer. Seriously.

Random, sometimes I get on a soap box