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Today is my not-so-baby sister’s birthday. She is 27, going on 19.

Actually, in spite of any crazy images this picture may be stirring up for you… she really is a very responsible individual, beautiful and smart, as well as a wonderful mother to her three (almost four!) year old daughter.

In this world there are very precious few who ever really understand you, I am blessed to have Staci be the one person who gets me;  she is my person and I am hers.

We fight like sisters, we laugh like sister, and we cry when each other is hurting, it’s what we do. She calls me “Sum”, I call her “Stace”, and though we are sisters, she is also my friend. My best friend. We have seen each other through more laughter and tears than I ever knew possible.

Happy birthday Stace! Thank you for always being there for me. I would be lost without you!

Here’s to the next 27…37…57 years.

I love you!

Your big sister,

Summer

Loved One(s)

“Summer, this is Jennifer, Zach’s mom. I don’t know quite how to say this… but Zach passed away. They found him yesterday morning. He died the same way his sister died. I found your number in his phone and I knew you would want to know. I know how much he cared about you…”

***

I met Zach my sophomore year of high school at the first “sock hop” social event. His bright eyes, playful smile and sweet personality lured me in and instantly I knew we would be friends.

That was 14 years ago.

Zach picking me up for "Spring Formal". It was girls choice, but I was only 15 and couldn't drive.

He is so adorably young here.

Zachary Hall, my oldest and dearest friend, passed away Friday, November 6, 2009.

I got the phone call 30 minutes before I was supposed to run my first 5k.

His passing has been one of the hardest thing I have ever had to face. I can not tell you just how bad my heart is aching right now. I have lost one of my closest friends, a man who has been there for me through thick and thin, a man who has always been “just a friend” but who loved me, and would literally do anything for me. I know this not only from countless examples of his actions, but because he never failed to tell me so.

I am at a loss for what to write. I’ve started this post several times but my words never seem adequate to express my joy for having him in my life; my anger with him for leaving so soon; my sorrow for not getting to say goodbye; my tribute to him for all that he was to me.

I have so many fond memories of him. In high school, besides going to Spring Formal with me, he took me to my first ever formal dance. It was called “Spartonian Ball”.

I'm in flats and he wore his hair 3" taller.

I thought the dance was more formal than it actually was and told him to get a tuxedo. He was the only guy at the dance, outside of the wait staff, wearing one. I was so embarrassed, but he just laughed about it and told me not to worry.

I see this picture and I want so bad to call him and laugh about his hair and baby face, my black nylons and ugly shoes. I want to reminisce and see if he remembers how his mom had to pin the boutonniere on for me or where we went to dinner or if we did an activity after the dance. I want to tell him thank you for wearing a tux because I asked him to – we were 16 and I know neither of us had money.

But I can’t…

I can’t call him because he is gone. He is gone and there is nothing I can do about it. I feel so helpless. I know people will say to just hold on to the memories, and believe me, I am trying. But he is gone, and my heart hurts! Just saying “he is gone” sounds so absurd to me. Why am I even writing this post? Zachs not gone. He can’t be. He is my Zach. How could he let drugs take him from me? How many times did I yell at him? How many times did I tell him that he was worrying me? How many times did he tell me not to worry? This isn’t right. Nothing feels right about it. It’s all wrong! We were supposed to go to lunch together. I missed his call. Why did I miss his call? Why didn’t he answer when I called him back? Why didn’t I try him again? How can he be gone? Why can’t I just call him?

Zach and me camping, Memorial Day 2008. Our last photo together.

I’m sorry this post is all over the place. Maybe it is too soon to have tried to write this. I had planned to tell so many great stories; driving his dad’s fork lift in his shop, drinking vodka in his garage with my sister until we puked and he had to carry us home wrapped in his blanket, his confession about why he really could not take me to Sr. Ball (ten years after the fact!), our failed attempt at community college together, moving me out of a very bad situation after I hadn’t talked to him in six months, and how he was such a loyal selfless friend.

Maybe I’ll write those stories another day… in my hand written journal. I’ll place it on the shelf next to my high school journal, or better yet, next to the entry where I first mention meeting Zach… at the Sock Hop.

Zachary Hall I am going to miss you!

Blogfully yours,

Summer

PS – in case you were wondering, I ran the race. It was incredibly hard and if ED hadn’t of been there I would have been hyperventilating, sobbing uncontrollably in the bushes 1/4 mile in. As it was, I finished with a time of 31:36 and saved my sob fest until I got to my sister’s, 15 minutes after the race.

Emotions get the best of me, Loved One(s), NOT light and fluffy

I woke up last weekend to the familiar sound of a coffee pot gurgling. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and rushed out to the kitchen, not daring to believe it to be true.

Sure enough, coffee!

Sweet, delicious, nectar from the gods, COFFEE!!!

“Mom! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEEEEAAAASE tell me that is not decaff watered-down coffee I see brewing!”

“Well… I made it half and half.”

“Half and half?”

“Yes. Half regular and half decaff.”

You might ask why my parents even own a coffee pot in the first place if– as Latter Day Saints–it is not allowed in their “Word of Wisdom”. The answer is simple. Twice a year my family justifies coffee. On Thanksgiving and Christmas… to have with pie… because a small exception like that is OK. Jesus doesn’t mind. Of course we still make two pots most of the time (leaded and unleaded) in case some of the family doesn’t want to walk the line that closely.

But my mother? My sweet, sweet, Mormon mother,  is the mother of all justifiers! She can find a way to make just about anything OK.

“Just let me see the top playing card and I’ll decide if I want to draw or discard.”

“Oh it’s OK if the grandkids have one little piece of candy after they finish their Popsicles.”

“I don’t think having pizza will really effect her lactose intolerance that much. She likes cheese!”

“Your cat wants to be outside. I’m sure she didn’t go too far. Yes, you did tell me not to let her outside, but she was meowing!”

I could go on. But the point is that my mom is freaking adorable for overlooking Jesus and making watered down half caffinated coffee for me.

If that ain’t love, then I don’t know what is!

Blogfully yours,

Summer

Living with the rents, Loved One(s), Story Time

I just did…

Blue eyes, full pouty lips and red hair!

In December of 97, my aunt passed away due to a horrible car accident. She left behind one daughter, my cousin Steph.

Since Steph’s father was never in the picture, she came to live with my family. She was only 12 years old.

As I am sure you can imagine, coming to live with a new family after just loosing your mother was not easy. My sisters and I did our best to include her, even calling her our “kiss-tor” (cousin + sister somehow equals “kiss-tor”).

Through the years we have had our shares of ups and downs and even though we are coming out of a 2+ year down, I have always loved her and wanted the best for her.

Sunday night Steph came over to my parents house and brought along her two beautiful kids. It was the first time I got to meet the adorable 3 month old Treyson.

I will have to get a picture of baby and momma together because it is actually quite comical. You see, Steph is half African American but her children are as white as can be! She laughs and say when she is at the store people think she is their babysitter – not their mother and that apparently she makes a great incubator for children to look exactly like their father!

Man I have missed her and her sense of humor! Here’s hoping I don’t go another 2 years before seeing them again! I hate that I’ve missed so much of my nephews lives.

Blogfully yours,

Summer

Emotions get the best of me, Loved One(s)

Today is my boyfriend ED’s birthday. Today he turns the ripe ol’ age of 30.

That’s right, Dirty Thirty.

Having been his girlfriend for the past seven months I know the very last thing in the world he would want for me to do is to gush any personal information about him. He is a very private person and I am, well I am a blogger.

Nuff said?

However, because it is his birthday I can not do nothing. It is my duty as a blogging girlfriend to either gush about him or embarass him. Luckily, by gushing I am able to accomplish both.

Things I love about ED:

- His 15 year old sense of humor. Sadly we are a lot alike in this area. Although recently I did have ask him to limit the amount of “your mom” jokes to under 10 per day.

- His old fashion values. ED is a country boy and he is chalk full of country boy values. He is chivalrous but believes men and women are equals. He always open the door for me and if he saw a stranded motorist, he would be the guy who would stop.

- The way he encourages and believes in me even when I don’t believe in myself. If it was not for him I may never have pushed myself any harder or further with my college education than an associates degree.

- How he likes to take care of me – mentally and physically. He listens to my rambling stories and patiently waits for me to get to the point in my long round about way and he hugs me when I cry. He keeps me healthy and active and I never go hungry when we are together.

- He has accepted me, along with all my quirks and emotional baggage, and loves me a surprisingly large amount. Sometimes I am shocked by the abnormally sweet things he does and he will ask me, “when are you going to realize just how much I love you?”

- Lastly, I love who I am with him. We have all been in those relationships where you feel like you lose yourself or you don’t like the person you are becoming. With ED I feel like I am me… but the best version of me I have yet to know.

Happy birthday baby! Here’s to being together and loving each other for a very long time, and by a very long time I mean “as far into the foreseeable future as possible”… which means forever.

Blogfully yours,

Summer

Dating debating, Emotions get the best of me, Loved One(s), Uncategorized

I leave for my Mexican love fest vacation with my sexy man in 2 weeks! This is a freaking huge deal to me. It will be the first time ED and I have traveled outside of Utah together, the first time he has ever left the country, PLUS we will be celebrating his 30th birthday!

My sister Staci knows how excited I am for this trip and today she dropped a rare little gem in the any time I think of this it will make me feel good box.

Me: “Holy crap, can you believe I leave for Mexico IN TWO WEEKS? I worked out so hard yesterday I can barely walk.”

Staci: “That sucks. Especially ’cause it’s always worse the next day so you’re really not going to be able to walk then.”

Me: “Great. Thanks. But it’s what I gotta do.”

Staci: “Well you can always get an abscess tooth like me, then you really can’t eat anything.”

Me: “No, I like eating too much plus it’s the whole lifting and toning thing I need help with. But at least I have been working on it for a while so I think if I just kill myself at the gym the next two weeks I’ll be ready.”

Staci: “Yeah I was going to tell you the other night, I think it was when we were drinking at my place, you were in the kitchen and I looked over and your back was all muscly and I was like bitch.”

Me: “Really? That is like… the nicest thing you have ever said to me.”

Staci: “Well… I meant every word of it.”

Sisterly love, there is really nothing quite like it.

Blogfully yours,

Summer

Loved One(s), Story Time, Vacations

My  older sister Sara got married last Saturday. If her bachelorette party was supposed to serve as an indicator as to what the wedding was to be like, it missed the mark. Then again, there is not really much that could have prepared me for this.

I find myself at a slight loss for words when thinking of how to describe the wedding, mainly because so much of it I did not understand. For example, why was the minister dressed in a white robe and a Chinese hat?

Why did the groom have a sword and LED lights sewn into his tuxedo?

Why is there a woman dressed in green tights and a pink tutu?

While I was left confused in some areas, I was in awe in others.

The wedding guests, which was a mixture of my conservative, garment-wearing relatives and the free spirited friends of the happy couple, all sat in a large circle. A mixture of tattoos, mo-hawks and costumes with an intermittent splash of confused, slightly uncomfortable individuals.

I watched as the minister went to the 4 directional tables set up around the circle and explained the significance of the earth, fire, water and air and how they relate to marriage.

Then music started and the groom, Rob, joined by my sister, the beautiful bride, danced their way into the circle. I didn’t recognize the song, but it was definitely not “Here Comes the Bride”, it was a million times better because it was a song that had significant meaning to them as a couple. The song was called Bliss, by Syntax.

I had not seen my sister in her custom sewn dress and she looked stunning!

They made their way to the center of the circle with a Yin and Yang in hand in what seemed to be the joining of their new union.

But this was not to be the end. They were sent on a mission to each of the 4 directional tables where they recited vows they had written and were slowly joined by their 6 children.

It was beautiful. There was so much symbolism in every aspect of the wedding. The amount of time and effort put into this blew me away. There was nothing traditional about this union, but they are far from a traditional couple.

Of course I cried, how could I not? My sister was the shining star of a production where the amount of love she and Rob have for each other overshadowed any raised eyebrows or sideways glances. They stayed true to who they are as individuals and as a couple. They simply said join us in our bizarre celebration of love, or don’t, we will cherish each other deeply either way.

At the end of the ceremony, after tying a symbolic knot made up of strings collected from each of the 4 directional tables and the kiss that sealed the deal, they started the music again and in the most fitting of manners, invited everyone to dance out with them.

Congrats Sara and Rob! I love you both and couldn’t be happier for you! I wish you all the blessings and joy that life has to offer you.

Blogfully yours,

Summer

***

Today is birthday of my biggest fan and an amazingly strong woman who has been there my entire life. In fact, without her I wouldn’t exist.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDMA!!!

Emotions get the best of me, Loved One(s)

My older sister Sara is getting married to a man she is madly in love with!  What comes before a wedding? A Bachelorette party!

Now the rule of any Bachelor/Bachelorette party is there are not supposed to be cameras and everyone is supposed to take what happened at the party to their grave, right?

WRONG!

Bachelorette Party House

I knew I had arrived at the right place when I saw the penis’ hanging from the front door.

Could a More Diverse Group Exist?

The party was unlike anything I have ever seen. They had a live DJ spinning and for entertainment, what else but fire dancers/spinners?

2 Fire Spinners

You know, Just Eating Fire

Much to my great surprise, my younger sister decided to record part of our HOT entertainment! Which is awesome because there is really no way for you to fully understand what these crazy women were doing, without seeing it yourself.

What? You’ve never been to a Bachelorette party with Fire Spinners?

Bride To Be Is In The Middle

Aw! My lovely sisters. What an amazing, interesting, fun night.

Congrats “Sally” I love you!

Blogfully yours,

Summer

Loved One(s), Out and About

A weekend full of surprises, that’s what I had!

Surprise #1. Finding out that we would not be traveling to St. George (Utah, not the island) the night before we were supposed to leave due to some issues with accommodations. I was absolutely crushed because I had really been looking forward to getting away, but after killing myself on the treadmill I decided to suck it up and make the best of my weekend vacation time no matter what we did.

Surprise #2. Discovering that my 50 SPF spray sunscreen was not as effective as I would have liked. We went boating on Friday and Sunday at Utah lake and who goes home looking like a lobster? Me, that’s who. Of course it helps that my sister is already tan and my parents keep almost all of their clothes on except when entering the water. Regardless, I got burned and it hurts.

Surprise #3. Crashing on the wake board and jacking up my sunburned neck. I fell 4 or 5 times so it’s hard to be sure which one caused the damage. I think it was number two…but at this point what does it matter?

Surprise #4. Getting to meet a group of ED’s best friends that he has been keeping hidden. Actually I’m not sure if it was me he was keeping hidden or them… The best part of this surprise is that they were all amazing. I loved getting to know them, and in the end they seemed to “approve” of me, and I them. I’m looking forward to spending more time getting to know them in the future.

Surprise #5. Learning how to hula hoop. Also known as making a complete jack ass out of yourself and being caught on video while doing it. FOR THE RECORD: I had no idea my future brother-in-law was recording us!
The blond closest to the camera is my older sister who brought the hula hoops and is very good, the other blond is my younger sister who has a day more practice than me and I’m (obviously) the uncoordinated brunette. I will say though, this is after practicing for about 2 hours. I’m not sure if that makes this video impressive or pathetic…

Surprise #5. Remembering how great it is to just lay on the lawn while the neighbors light illegal fireworks that they bought and paid for. No parks. No crowds. Just family, friends and a dozen or so neighbor kids running around shooting bottle rockets at each other.

Just the way our fore fathers would have wanted us to celebrate.

Blogfully yours,

Summer

Hiking, Loved One(s), Vacations

My lovely BFF, Karina the Russian had a birthday! Every year her birthday is a time to celebrate. This year by comparison was a lot more toned down than last years 5 day long celebration, but still an amazing time complete with the most important things: friends, food and cocktails.

The standard pre-party picture.

Staci and Codi

The girls! I love when they put me in the middle.

We were all so happy my babe ED could make it… that is until he invited a Red Headed Slut to join our party…

That bitch makes things all sorts of crazy!

Karina I love you so much! We have been through so much in such a short time. I hope that 27 (the second anniversary of your 25th birthday) brings you all the love, passion, success and “moments” you deserve! Thank you for always being there for me. You’ll never know how much it has meant to me.

Blogfully yours,

Summer

PS – no actual Red Headed Sluts were hurt in the celebration of Karina the Russians birthday party. They were however consumed by way of shots

K to the R stories, Loved One(s), Uncategorized