I wake up every morning not knowing what my purpose for the day is. I have a million things to do, but no idea where to start. Such small simple tasks, eating breakfast, unpacking boxes, washing my face, now seem like monumental achievements.

Three days ago I was another victim of the economy. I was laid off.

Can you believe that I have never been without a job? I started working when I was 15 and have always bounced directly from one job to another. This is the first time in 16 year that I have not had a job to report to. I am not sure if that is sad or impressive.

So here I am, sitting in completely uncharted waters. I decided to take this opportunity–and I do look at it as an opportunity–to evaluate what I really want. I’m even going so far as to make a pros and cons list for each of my options. I am incredibly lucky to be able to tout 8 years of marketing experience on a resume and my wonderful connections and friends have been sending me leads left and right. However, I am doing my best to put them all aside. Not that I am not greatly appreciative, I am, truly I am, and please keep them coming. It’s just that I want ONE WEEK, or maybe two, to just be. To not think about work. To only focus on my family and myself.

Next week my mother goes in for surgery. I have the great fortune of being able to be there and help her with the recovery process. This means the world to me. My mother has been there for me through so much and to have the opportunity to give back to her, despite the horrible situation surrounding it, means a great deal to me.

So, unemployment…blessing or a curse? Right now it feels a little like both. But I’m going to focus on it being a blessing.

Blogfully yours,

Summer

This man you will be hearing more about in future posts. That is, unless blogging is a jinx, in which case forget I ever mentioned him.

He has been aptly nicknamed “Cute.” Not just because he is, in fact, very cute. That would be to obvious. His name actually yields from the graces of my co worker, Adam. Adam decided to name him that after going on a work trip with me. He kept hearing me gush on and on about the man I was seeing, always prefacing his name with “cute”.

As in, “Cute Jaron came over the other night and made me dinner” or “I’m so excited, Cute Jaron is taking me to see U2!”

Gag, right?

It was only a matter of time before said coworker ditched “Jaron” and just started asking me how “Cute” was doing or when I had plans to see “Cute” next.

So, Cute it is.

While at my parents house, my two giggly, barely-teen nieces decided that Cute and I were adorable and that being adorable warranted constant harassment. They threw snaps at us, teased me about having a boyfriend, and asked us if they heard wedding bells in our future.

Actually, that last one was my mother’s doing. Little does she know, I’m only using him for sex.

At one point in the night, as we were all sitting down to watch my brother-in-law light fireworks, the giggle sisters confiscated a camera and went to town snapping pictures of us.

They were greatly amused by their handiwork. But none quite so much as this.

To be honest, I like it too.

It’s…cute.

Terrie is a Laryngectomee (you can’t even imagine how long it has taken me to remember the correct way to spell that). Meaning Terrie had to have her voice box removed due to cancer. Cancer caused from smoking.

Terrie now speaks with the aide of a voice prosthesis.

When I met Terrie at the airport for the first time we hugged. After six months of planning it felt like we already knew each other. She had asked me in one of her emails what she should pack. I replied to pack as much as she wanted and we would sort through it together when she got here. When I went to grab her bags I quickly found out that she took me up on my offer.

Not being used to large luggage and having never spent any time with someone who has a physical handicap, I decided that we should just muscle the two 50lb bags, carry on, and laptop bag to the car.

I know. I’m an insensitive jerk, right?

We hadn’t gone more than 20 feet and poor Terrie was out of breath. I can’t even tell you how horribly embarrassed I was. But Terrie, after catching her breath and seeing my look of panic, just smiled at me sweetly and said, “Just another day in the life of a Laryngectomee. Do you think we can get one of those baggage cart things?”

Our first stop after leaving the airport was to pick up my counterpart on the anti-tobacco account, Adam (or Mr. Bramwell as I like to call him). Not being under any tight time constraints to drive to our first destination of Price Utah, we stopped for lunch.

Adam and I had a million questions for Terrie and she told us that we had her permission to ask her anything we wanted. Throughout the next five days I found out Terrie’s life story, one amazing story after another. But it was at that first lunch together that I found out something that would change me forever. Terrie told us she had something she wanted us to know. The doctors found three more areas of cancer in her body and she was going in to find out what the treatment regime was going to be the day after she returned from her trip to Utah.

Terrie is a ten time cancer survivor already. Ten. TEN!

How in the name of all that is right in the world could this woman who I had already fallen in love with in less than an hour, possibly be subjected to more cancer?

I cried.

She told us that she didn’t mention it to us before because she didn’t want us to think she wasn’t well enough to come out here.

Terrie is tough as nails.

Then she told us that it was okay because she was lucky. They caught it early and she has really good doctors and it will probably just be more chemo, but not the really bad type, she normally doesn’t loose her hair, just her eye lashes, sometimes.

She said all of this with a straight face and 100% sincerity. That is the type of person Terrie is. The most amazing optimist that ever existed in the history of the world. Ever.

Outside of touring the state giving presentations to Jr High and High Schools, our secondary purpose for bringing Terrie from her home in North Carolina to Utah was to film her for both an ad campaign and the creation of an educational DVD. I work in advertising as I said, but I am on the planning/strategy/client relations/management of projects side of things. So when my agencies creative director asked me if I would be the one to interview Terrie, it was a huge honor on multiple levels.

When I told Terrie that I would be the one to interview her she was both excited and relieved. I asked her if she wouldn’t mind discussing some of the questions over dinner with a glass (or two) of wine. It was just the two of us and I have to say it was one of my favorite nights. I had my exclusive one on one with a woman who daily continued to blow me away with her strength, personality, ginormous heart, gumption and love. She made me cry, again, and I fell even more in love with her.

And that was just my second night with her.

In the five and a half days Terrie was here she spoke at eleven schools, was featured on every local TV news channel, local newspapers, and was on “Good Things Utah,” one of our early morning talk shows, and in between that she was filmed, photographed, and adored by all. Through it all she never once complained. Never once acted put out or tired. She was a trooper. Her energy kept me going.

At one of the photo shoots I asked the photographer to take a picture of the three of us. I was able to get it printed and framed to give to her as a surprise goodbye gift.

When it came time to say goodbye I was devastated. I’m not going to lie, I was a blubbering fool walking her to the check-point at the airport. I didn’t want my new friend to leave. Work had never been so much fun and I have never been so uplifted by one person. I didn’t know I could form a bond with someone so quickly and I didn’t want our time together to end.

Terrie text me from the plane, from her layover stop, and finally when she got home.

We continue to text daily. She asks me about my dates and rubs it in my face that it is sunny and 80+ degrees in North Carolina while it is still snowing here in Utah. I ask her about her daughters wedding and we laugh together through the distance.

I miss her incredibly but I am so proud of the work we were able to accomplish in her short time here. After every school presentation she gave, dozens of kids would come up to her and to give her a hug or tell her how much her story had impacted them. And now we have a whole campaign and will be able to share her story with even more of the world.

Filming was emotional. It effected all of us, from the camera, lights, sound, make-up and production crew to, of course, our star Terrie. Here is the 30 second television commercial.

Terrie Hall 30 sec TV

Want to see more?

You can view all of  Terrie’s TV commercials on our TRUTH Against Tobacco YouTube channel.

You can view her full presentation from the TRUTH Against Tobacco website.

And you can view the rest of some of my pictures with Terrie from my Flickr account.

One last thing, before taking Terrie to the airport, I HAD to take her to my favorite place – the mountains. She shared so much beauty with me, I felt it was only fair to share some back.

Blogfully yours,

Summer

So what, pray tel, could inspire me to walk back inside the house of the lord after all these years?

One thing. This beautiful little girl.

Adorable, right?

This little cutie pie is my older sister’s daughter, Kaia. In the Mormon religion, babies are given a blessing by worthy members of the Melchizedek Priesthood within the first month of their life. While my sister is also not an active member of the LDS church, the tradition of blessing a baby goes deeper than just religion. It is a ritual that is very important to my family.

So, on that note, I put on a knee length skirt, covered up my tattoos and chewed a piece of gum to mask the coffee on my breath. Two deep breaths, a pep talk to myself in the car and I walked into the ward house with my head held high and a smile on my face.

The blessing was given by my father. It was beautiful, he is a most eloquent speaker. After concluding the blessing he raised baby Kaia up for the congregation to see which got a reverent chuckle from the crowd.

Sacrament meetings in the LDS church last an hour and twenty minutes. Words can not describe just how long that amount of time feels. But, I survived. I figure I’m now on solid terms with Jesus for another five to ten years. Or at least until the next baby blessing.

Blogfully yours,

Summer

]]> http://www.blogfullyyours.com/2010/11/16/i-love-babies-almost-as-much-as-jesus/feed/ 1 http://www.blogfullyyours.com/2010/11/09/death-anniversaries-are-the-least-fun-anniversaries/ http://www.blogfullyyours.com/2010/11/09/death-anniversaries-are-the-least-fun-anniversaries/#comments Tue, 09 Nov 2010 15:00:17 +0000 Summer http://www.blogfullyyours.com/?p=1381 Last weekend I was invited to go on a weekend trip to Denver with the man I’ve been seeing, John. I choose to decline. Partially because I am not sure I am ready to take the ginormous step that is traveling with a man, but also because of prior commitments – the most important of which being Zach’s memorial.

Saturday, November 6th, 2010, marked the one year anniversary of my dear friend Zach’s death. In his honor his mother set up a memorial brunch at the last place she had dined with him, Ihop.

My sister Staci, just as she did one year ago, spent the entire day by my side. She was and is still my greatest support. She encouraged me to remember the good times and we talked at length about what a wonderful man he was. He had the most amazing smile. It was absolutely contagious. You’d catch a glance at his big ol’ grin and the next thing you know you would be smiling too.

I won’t go into the depth of my anticipation and flat out dread of this day. I miss my friend. I miss him all the time. Words can not fully explain the grief I experienced when he died and the grief I experience still. But no matter how extreme my grief, I know it is nothing compared to the grief of his mother whom I adore and love. Zach would have wanted me to be there for her.

Truthfully all I did was show up, sit next to her, and tell her I love her. I think sometimes that’s the best capacity of being there for someone. Obviously I’m no saint just for showing up, quite the opposite. My actions were actually a little self motivated…

By seeing Zach’s mom, I got to see a part of Zach. Denver will never be able to hold a candle to that.

Blogfully yours,

Summer

Since there is literally NOTHING I can do to help since she is not allowed visitors (and even if she was she lives in Minnesota!) or phone calls, I hijacked her blog, Zipbagofbones.com, and wrote a post on there.

If you have a moment, stop on over and send her some words of encouragement.

Blogfully yours,

Summer

“Summer, how do I make Twitter work?”

“Summer, what profile picture should I choose?”

“The weather right now is 82 degrees.”

“I found another picture. Just look at this one, I promise it’s the last one.”

“I can’t believe you post pictures of my daughter on the Internet but don’t send them to me.”

“Look at my belly, I am so bloated.”

“Did you just call my phone dumb? Not all phones can be labeled ‘smart phones’, Summer.”

“Check out this boy on Facebook. Yeah, his posts about vaginas and honey are so funny.”

“What do I write for my Twitter bio? La de da de, we likesta party? Men suck vaginas rule? Looking for a sugar daddy?”

AHHHHHHHHH!

This one time, when I was about 10 years old, my sister wouldn’t leave me alone so I jumped on my bike and took off at full speed down the hill we lived on. At the bottom of the hill was a sharp turn. I hit gravel, slid, crashed, and skinned up my knee and busted my bike. A neighbor took me home in the back of her truck. When I got home and walked through the door, knee all bloody, my sister ran upstairs and got me a handful of band aides.

After that I quit running away from her.

Sometimes it’s just nice to live in the moment and laugh out loud with your sister. I think it’s therapeutic. And honestly, it really doesn’t matter if you are 10, 30, or 130. Laughter is good for the soul.

Guess the story of the wetness between my thighs can wait another day.

Blogfully yours,

Summer

I am sure to some I might seem rather carefree, or possibly like an alcoholic. 

The truth is, lately, underneath it all, I’ve been a bit of a wreck. The only thing that has kept me sane is my support system. The strongest of which is Karina the Russian.

When I made the decision to publicly change my Facebook status to “Single” after my recent break up, I imidately got flooded with the obligatory ”I’m sorry” and “What happened???” remarks. I don’t doubt that those comments were well intentioned, but they were also overwhelming. As soon as Karina saw the direction the comments were headed she immediately changed her status and mine to say that we are “Married”. She then wrote on my wall saying, “We are facebook married!!!! Deal with it!”

Instantly the mood went from pitty to laughter.

When I decided to throw myself a birthday party the same weekend I had a five page essay and finals to prepare for, Karina showed up at my door the morning of and helped me whip my disaster of a place into backyard BBQ party central.

(Pictures are HERE)

When I had school and work both consuming all of my free time and hadn’t packed a single item for my trip to New York, who showed up the night of to make sure I packed enough shoes, an extra pair of pajamas (Cat you can thank her later for that one!) and drive my ass to the airport? Karina, of course.*

When I got back from New York, all busted up and barely able to hobble my sorry ass to the restroom, Karina was there. She came over, helped me unpack all of my luggage*, washed three loads of laundry and spent the night. In the morning she made me breakfast, helped me get in and out of the bathtub without injuring myself, put my laundry away and cleaned my kitchen.

People pay for this shit and I get it for free!

Well, sometimes she does make me spoon her… and I do have to love her Russian children like they are my own… and sometimes she beats me, but only when I deserve it…

Seriously people, I feel super-duper lucky.  

I mean, sure I have a broken foot and the doctors are telling me I will be on crutches for the next six weeks, and, yes, I am planning on moving in two weeks and don’t have a thing packed…

But I’m not stressed (I totally am), because besides my amazing family and friends, I have a Russian wife with an amazingly strong back who are all here to help (hint, hint).

Blogfully yours,

Summer

*I would be a total bitch if I didn’t make mention of a few more people who totally have gone above and beyond to help me, although they did not Facebook marry me so honestly, they may not deserve to be mentioned after all.

- Staci, thank you for helping pack/unpack/take me to the hospital/love me like a sister.

- Susan & Cat, thank you for taking care of me while I was in New York. What the eff would I have done without you guys???

“You know Summer, you can’t do this forever. You need to deal with this, have a break down. It’s not healthy to do what you are doing.” Caring words I know to be true, spoken by a loved one.

“Maybe tomorrow,” is all I reply. 

Today is tomorrow.

You’d think with as many break-ups as I’ve been through I’d be a pro at going through them. Which, maybe I am. Only this time it’s so much harder because it wasn’t a two month let’s try this out sort of relationship. This was a you’re the one I am going to spend the rest of my life with kind of relationship.

Cue the water works.

Rather than publicly hash out the details of our break-up I wanted to write about all the ways I have NOT been dealing with it over the past week. You see, when you are in a relationship you get used to always checking in with your significant other. Not in a controlling way, more in a how was your day way. Now that I have no one to check in with, I thought I’d just check in with you, Internet.

ED and I broke up on a Monday night. It still seems so weird to say.

Tuesday I took a half day off work (which was a life saver because I couldn’t stop crying, nor could I concentrate to save my life) and went boating with my parents, Karina the Russian, and our Russian children.

Being at the lake was theraputic for me. I have gone boating every summer since I can remember. There is a bit of magic in the mountain water and for brief moments of time I was able to forget that my life had just been drastically altered. 

Wednesday I made it through an entire day of work, went to class, and went to the 311 concert with Karina the Russian and my sister Staci.

I drove seperately. I said it was because I had to work early the next day – which I did – but it was also because I knew I wouldn’t be able to fake happy all night long, especially since the last time I saw 311 in concert was with ED. 

I called up my friend Sarah on the drive home to talk me off of a ledge.

Thursday I went to dinner and then to the Twilight Concert (a free outdoor concert put on every Thursday during the summer) with some co-workers and Karina the Russian. It got done fairly early and despite my co-worker taunting me that I don’t know how to let go and just have fun, I decided to go home. Only I didn’t. The thought of going home to an empty house was too much so I deviated my course into the arms of my wonderful friend Susan who opened the door with a large glass of wine in hand for me. She let me cry until the wine dried up the tears.

Friday I went back up to the lake with my family for some more water therapy.

Friday night was my cousin’s birthday (Happy Birthday Emmie!). The day before she had text to invite ED and I to come out for her birthday. I had a minor break down at the realization of how many people have known us as a package deal and how many people I am going to have to tell that we broke up. But I digress.

I met Emmie, my sister Staci and a group of Emmie’s friends for a few drinks. Can I just say that I was soooo not ready to be at a popular bar downtown on a Friday night? Within the first ten minutes of arriving I saw three people who I had previously dated. Obviously Salt Lake City is too small of a town. Luckily I had my sister watching over me and survived without being auctioned off at the meat market. I spent that night curled up next to her in bed, again not wanting to be home alone.

Saturday I did laundry and looked for a new place to live (more on that later this week). Then I went to my parents house for a BBQ and to light fireworks. For those of you reading this who are not from Utah, the 24th of July is Pioneer Day. It’s celebrated like a second 4th of July only we are lighting fireworks to celebrate our state being settled by the Mormon pioneers instead of the nations independence.

Saturday night I went home alone, in bed by 10 and completely sober.

Sunday… my day to deal with things. I spent my morning cleaning, writing and reflecting then took a mid-day break for lunch and shopping with Sarah. My evening was spent with vodka and sappy movies.

What? We all cope differently.

From this post I am sure you can see that I have the worlds greatest friends and family. They have been in a constant rotation of checking on me to make sure I have enough alcohol and moral support. I feel so fortunate that they are in my life. I would be a wreck without them.

One week down, forever to go.

Blogfully yours,

Summer

This was taken a month ago, on Fathers Day.

My younger sister and I used to stare at ourselves in the mirror trying to find a resemblance. Eyes? No. Mouth? No. Nose? No.

Nothing.

Even still, I don’t particularly look like my parents either. A fact my nephew recently brought to my attention.

“Summer, stand next to grandpa. I need to see if you’re related.”

“I don’t like the sound of that.”

“You just need to stand next to him and I’ll take a picture and my Nintendo DS will say what percentage you are related.”

“This is so not going to end well for me.”

Resemblance: 1%. Unrelated.

“Look Summer. You’re not related!”

“Imagine that.”

“Let’s take your picture with grandma now!”

“Do we have to?”

Resemblance 9%. Unrelated.

If that’s not solid proof right there, I don’t know what is.

Hmm… maybe that’s why my mom is so religious – she is making up for the sins of her youth!

Blogfully yours,

Summer