Summer

Emotions get the best of me, Just me, Lessons Learned

Did you know that according to a book that I did not read but my friend Heidi told me about, that more old relationships are ended in January and new ones formed? I’m serious, there is some sort of study that somebody did that shows that right after New Years a lot of people break up. Something to do with New Years resolutions and finding true happiness… plus no one wants to be the asshole who breaks up right before the holidays so it is perfect timing. Then on the flip side those who are smart and stay single for the holidays are also looking to start out the New Years with love and if they get moving right away they can actually form the beginning of a meaningful relationship by Valentines Day. True story.

Now that you have been updated with this news, I must warn you that there is an epidemic that has been sweeping the country. It has been going on too long, it’s time somebody brought it to light. The epidemic of which I speak is Environmental Dating.

Do not be fooled by it’s eco-friendly name. When Jack Johnson sang his plea to “Reduce. Reuse. Recycle.” he was NOT referring to dating. Reduce your consumption, reuse your clothing, recycle your cans – not your men. I know, I know, I am one of the biggest offenders of Environmental Dating and I am sure it comes as no surprise that Karina the Russian was the one to point it out to me. She has adopted the policy of once it is over, it is over. You don’t piss off a Russian, and there certainly are no second chances. If it didn’t work out the first time there was a reason and time will not change that! Unfortunately, I am not so tuff. I tend to have an all too forgiving heart that lands me back in the arms of previous loves. BUT the first rule of marketing, well maybe not the first or really any rule at all, is that if you put a name to something it becomes scary!

Beware of Environmental Dating!

See? Doesn’t that sound scary? Like something you really want to find out about and avoid? I thought so. You can thank me later. I’m just doing my duty as a single citizen.

Blogfully yours,
Summer

Lessons Learned, sometimes I get on a soap box

Last night I met up for a drink with an old friend that I hadn’t seen or heard from in 2 1/2 years. I think he moved to another planet or something. It was funny because even though so much time had passed, we still remembered how good of friends we used to be. The part that wasn’t funny, in fact quite the opposite, was recounting what has gone on in my life over the past 2 1/2 years.

At first I had no intention of sharing any part of my sob story with my long lost friend, but warm kind eyes and an attentive caring listening ear allowed me to let my guard down enough to talk about things that only my closest friends and family know. I shook a little telling parts of my story, I hope he didn’t notice, but at the end of it all when I knew no more details were required, my friend looked me in the eyes and said, “I am so sorry. I wish I could have been there for you.”

Without hesitation I responded, “I don’t. You wouldn’t have even recognized me back then, I was a shell of who I am today. You couldn’t have been there for me – I wouldn’t have let you in. You couldn’t have saved me – I had to save myself. I am the strong healthy happy independent woman that I am today because I learned how to be alone. Accepting that I am OK on my own, making myself happy, those were challenges that I had to overcome on my own. I’m grateful that we are becoming friends again today because I am better now than I have ever been.”

2008 has been a fabulous year for me. I traveled a lot with friends and even made it outside of the country for the first time. I started back to school after a 10 year hiatus and have generally remained busy happy and productive. In fact, I even paid off my car this year! That’s right, I OWN my car for the first time in my life! All things considered, my life is pretty damn good.

Here’s to an even better 2009!

Blogfully yours,
Summer

Emotions get the best of me, Just me, Lessons Learned

The past week has been an incredibly challenging one for my family and for myself. Now that the viewings and the funeral are over I am finally able to sit back and reflect on everything that happened.

I’m not a super private person, but my feelings of regret and sadness I will keep to myself. Instead I wanted to share a few stories/memories that I will take with me.

My older sister deliberated on whether or not to bring her 9 yr old son (Daemon) and her 4 yr old daughter (Rowan) to the funeral but in the end was talked into bringing them. She and I walked her son up to the casket to say goodbye to his great grandpa that he had only met twice. We had all tried our best to explain to him that grandpa had died, but it was OK because he is in heaven with Jesus. When we approached the coffin, trying to stay strong but felt the tears about to fall (yet again), my nephew looked at his great grandpa with a studious eye, taking everything in, but all he said was “it’s sad.”

I went to sit down on one of the sofas aligning the room. Daemon came and sat down next to me. I felt inclined to share some of my adult wisdom with him, to comfort him somehow or maybe it was to prepare him.

“Wow… So I guess this is your first funeral… But unfortunately you will be going to a lot more in your life time because eventually everybody dies.”

Not super smooth, I’ll admit. But I was grieving and it was the best I could come up with. It didn’t phase him however. He looked right at me and said, “Yes but they also live! People get born and they live and they live and they live. Then when they are older, like 89, they die. It is the circle of life Summer.”

He said it so matter of factly. I just stared at him and the tears came unabashedly rolling down my face. Here I am trying to tell him about the harsh realities of this world. In an instant he spins it around to let me know that even though there is death, and yeah, that sucks, there is also life! My grandfather lived a long happy life and I would like to believe he would want me to do the same! In fact I know he would. So that is what I intend to do. Keep on living. Keep celebrating life. Learning from every experience, good and bad, cause that is what grandpa would want me to do.

Blogfully yours,
Summer

Lessons Learned, Loved One(s), sometimes I get on a soap box

I made the crazy statement that I was giving up on dating as I am apparently not good at it. My adorable friend RLO, being a guy and therefore always wanting to fix any problem, suggested that he and I and Sarah all move in together and grow bitter and old together. In my infinite womanly wisdom I realized the flaw in his plan and told him that Sarah’s dog Daisy and my cat Aurora might not get along so well. Then Mr. RLO consented, but still being flawed as a male, said “true, Daisy and Aurora might have a lot of sexual tension they don’t know how to deal with”.

Moral of the story: Men may be from Mars and women may be from Venus but cats and dogs just need a little sexual rediscovery to get along.

Blogfully yours,
Summer

Just me, Lessons Learned, Random

Gather around children, its story time. Today we will be hearing Karina the Russian Finds Her Soul Mate

On my lunch break last week, I got a call from a bedazzled Russian, my BFF Karina. She proceeds to tell me this long drawn out story about a man who came into the hair salon where she works to buy some hair care products. She tells me that she doesn’t know how to explain it, but they just connected and she is certain that this God of a man is her soul mate and immediately starts telling me her schemes to find out who this man is because they are destined to be together and get married and live in big beautiful houses and travel the world and and and. I just laugh and go along with her story and tell her, yes I am sure he is everything you imagine him to be and more. No sense in stomping on the girls dream, I mean she is 100% convinced at this point that she has just met her soul mate and who am I to be the one to tell her that in my jaded experience, they just don’t exist. In all actuality, I envy her passion for love. The girl falls in love every other week and somehow manages to be excited each time. She loves the butterflies so much that she creates them out of thin air. I on the other hand am so afraid of being hurt that I can barely manage to admit to liking a boy , yet alone liking a guy enough to let the butterflies in. Anyway…I digress….

About 10 minutes after I get off the phone with the head in the clouds Russian, I get another call and I know what I am going to hear before the words even come out of her mouth.

Karina: He called me! He called the store and said that he felt like we just had this amazing connection and he has never met someone so beautiful.

Me: Of course he did! He IS your soul mate after all!

Karina: Then he told me that he doesn’t know what to do because he has a girlfriend and she is great and pretty and they have been together for like 6 months but he just was blown away with me and our connection you know?

Me: Uh huh….

Karina: Then he says ‘don’t hang up on me or anything, but I think my girlfriend would think you are beautiful too and we have never done anything like this, but do you think you would like to hang out with us together some time?’

Me: Are you freaking kidding me? He did NOT say that!

Karina: Can you believe it?

Me: Just so I am clear, basically what you are telling me is that your soul mate is a swinger?

Karina: That would be correct.

Me: So what did we learn today?

Karina: That all men are dogs and dogs DO NOT go to heaven.

True story. I couldn’t make something like this up.

K to the R stories, Lessons Learned, Loved One(s), Random

I ran out of coffee about a week ago. My best friend Karina the Russian instantly recognized that this was going to take it’s toll on me and insisted that I wake up 10 minutes earlier so that I could come over to her place, which is only 5 minutes from my apartment, for coffee. Last week I came over twice. She made me eggs with sausage and toast made of hotdog buns one of the mornings.
On Friday we had a movie night and sleepover complete with pajamas and facials. After our second glass of wine she confessed that she had sent her 2 kids to stay with her mom for the weekend not because she needed a break, but because she had no food left in her house. That is a truly sad thing to say, but we find it better to laugh about being broke, you never cry about it. So we raided her kitchen and found some Russian cookies that tasted like Animal Crackers and dipped them in some sort of Russian chocolate hazelnut spread. The very last of her food.
On Sunday I needed to go to the store to pick up a few items and decided that Karina and her kids (which she calls “our kids” as in “Summer, your daughter is out of control can you do something about that” or “Honey your children miss you! Where have you been?”) needed food more than I did. I bought them some essentials like bread, peanut butter, milk, corn dogs, juice boxes and some Mickey Mouse shaped cheese (yes I do consider fun shaped food an essential). She was completely floored when I showed up with the food. I told her that I just did it so that when I came over there I would have something to eat. We celebrated the new food by sitting on her porch and having a juice box and fresh peaches. With Karina you celebrate everything. It’s part of the reason I love her.
This morning I went over for coffee and my amazing Russian friend had gotten up early enough to get herself and the kids ready then made coffee and a peanut butter and home made jelly sandwich for me to take for lunch and one for breakfast as well. I almost cried right then and there.
In this world there are few things more important than friendship. Although Karina and I have only known each other for a year and a half it feels as if we have known each other forever. It’s funny though, so many people do not understand friendship. Both Karina and I have dated men who have accused us of being more than friends. Like the only reason to do something nice for someone else is because you have hidden motives of lust. Idiots. They must not have ever had a best friend. Because if they had, they would know that it’s just what friends do. Best friends look out for each other, they tell each other that they love them, they lift each other up when they are down and they make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches just to show how much they care.

Emotions get the best of me, K to the R stories, Lessons Learned, Loved One(s)

Mad Men show description:

Set in 1960s New York, the sexy, stylized and provocative AMC drama Mad Men follows the lives of the ruthlessly competitive men and women of Madison Avenue advertising, an ego-driven world where key players make an art of the sell.

I work in advertising. It is an incredibly thrilling, corrupt, perverse, twistedly beautiful industry to work in. At times I love it, other times – not so much. I have a very “old school” boss. Actually “old school” does not accurately describe him, but if I have learned anything from Dooce, it’s to keep your blogging description to a minimum when it comes to bosses and companies. So for the purpose of this post he is “old school”.

Anyway, my “old school” boss has been encouraging all of us to watch the AMC series Mad Men. I have been meaning to get around to it for over 6 months and then I found out that Comcast was making it entirely too easy and offering it “On Demand”. So sense I was still recovering from my birthday celebrations I decided to have a quite stay home weekend with my TV.

I watched the first episode and at the end of it I was in a foul mood. The way the men treated the women! The way the women allowed themselves to be treated! The arrogance! The Good Old Boys clubs! The cheating bastards! Calm yourself, I thought. You can’t judge the show off of just one episode. So I continued to watch. I watched 12 episodes this weekend. I had made myself a “to do” list for the weekend, luckily Watch Mad Men was on it, otherwise I wouldn’t have accomplished a thing! I think it was after about the 3rd episode I decided that I was officially hooked. I stopped being mad at the show and instead reflective and greatful. I started thinking about my Grandma (“Hi Grandma”) and what it must have been like to be a young woman in the late 50′s early 60′s. I guess if it is all you have known, you wouldn’t really know to be offended. Now days womens rights are pretty much established. Sure there are still some “old school” people out there who haven’t fully embraced them, but for the most part we are treated as equals and better yet, we are finally aware of our own worth! We know that anything a man can do, we can do, and a lot of the times we do it (gasp!) better. I wonder if I would have survived back then. I am such a stubborn independent free thinking woman now…would I have been capable of being a passive-aggressive “whatever you think is best dear” type of woman? The thought sends chills down my spine and makes me so greatful to the women who fought the system and helped form the world into the place it is today! Thank you strong independent women! Thank you Grandma! Thank you Mom! My hat is off to you indeed!

Just me, Lessons Learned

This picture is me at age 17. Don’t I look innocent?
Well I let my curiosity get the best of me. I caved! I went to my 10 year High School reunion and let me tell you, it wasn’t that bad. OK it was a little bad and I was looking for an excuse to leave almost as soon as I got there, but I managed to stay for most of it. As I mentioned in my previous post it was held at our high school, which is a little lame, but the school has been remodeled so it was cool to see inside of it. They served the grown up but still oh so Mormon equivalent of cookies and punch, had a slide show of high school days complete with the sound track of late 90′s music, and even played a game of “who has the most kids?”. I had the same conversation about a dozen times of what I have been up to for the past 10 years. People still resorted to their old clicks of friends and it was truly like old times where they kept to themselves and I kept to myself which was alright because if we never talked in high school, what could we possibly have to say now?

I did have the chance to reconnect with a few friends that I am quite happy about. In fact, I invited my old friend Trisha to go out with me that night to a birthday party. It was crazy how much we had in common. We are both divorced with no kids and very career oriented. As the night went on we found out more and more we have in common. In Utah women like us are a rare breed, and rarer still because Trisha lives in Vegas!

Ms. Trish, Me and my friend Andy. It’s not very often you get 3 brunettes in a picture in the land of milk and honey!

So now it’s time for a (hopefully) short rant…
WARNING: Men are not to be trusted!
That same night we went out, much to my surprise, Mr. Larsen was there. I hadn’t spoken to him in 4 or 5 days but he knew that I would be at this party. I wasn’t really upset or excited to see him because I had been thinking about calling things off but wasn’t sure exactly how to because he was never my boyfriend – just the guy I was dating. Anyway, he decided to do me a HUGE favor. Early on in the night I excused myself to find some of our friends and left Andy (who was dressed to kill) sitting next to him. Since Mr. Larsen has a thing for younger women, especially ones in short skirts, he proceeded to hit on her and ask her out but said not to tell me or our friend Karina! The nerve! So of course Andy comes right out and finds me and tells me what happened. Yuck! What a slime bag! Honestly, who do you think you are? Did you think she wouldn’t tell me? I surround myself with friends who are incredibly good people.
So, to all my single gals out there, always remember that trust is earned. If you see a red flag in the beginning – do not ignore it!
Sorry, just needed to get that off my chest.

Lessons Learned, Out and About

The Worth of your Inner and Outer Beauty – Courtesy of Ariane

Me, Ariane, and her new baby Aria at a Salt Lake Bees Game.

Ariane is my Sister from another Mister. We have been friends since we were 18 years old (10 years!!!). She has seen me through every phase of my adult life. She was even a beautiful supportive (pregnant) bridesmaid at my wedding.
Now the thing about Ariane is that she is a lover of life! She has this amazing ability to see the beauty in all things. Luckily, she saw a beauty in me and forced me to see it and accept it, even though it made me uncomfortable, embarrassed, and sqwemish. I do not know why she took it upon herself, almost as a personal mission, to beat me into submission until I realized my personal worth. I guess that’s what friends do. Over and over she would tell me (some times at great lengths) just how beautiful I am to her – inside and out.
I guess I grew up feeling slightly awkward, like a lot of young teens do. I was too tall, too skinny, bad skin and braces. Then when I finally grew out of that stage, I still didn’t realize that others would find me attractive, and when they did, I felt like if I recognized it I would be a horrible self-absorbed vain person. So I didn’t. Ariane taught me to hold my head up high, own up to who I am, respect myself, and be a strong woman who calls the shots. Sometimes I still struggle, but I am worlds ahead of where I was.

The timing of this post is difficult. I recently got upset with Ariane and we have not spoken for about a week. There is no need to write the details of our fight, especially when this post is intended to praise her and thank her. I found the above quote and thought it was perfect. I know that she and I will get through this. We always do.

Ariane I love you. Thank you for always being there for me. I have learned so much from you. You taught me “the dating rules” and tried to keep anyone from taking advantage of me – I was so clueless after my divorce. Thank you for being there and loving me – sometimes more than I loved myself. You are such a strong, beautiful, wonderful friend and an amazing mother to your children. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Lessons Learned