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Dream Fasting

March 11th, 2009
3 comments
The other night I went over to Karina The Russians house after I got out of school. I had a long day and really missed having some quality BFF time. We put her (our) Russian children to bed, opened a bottle of wine and started to share our days with each other.

Somewhere, near the bottom of our first glasses of wine (Russian style to the brim), something remarkable happened, we started “Dream Fasting.” Don’t act like you don’t know what I am talking about! Really? Seriously? You have no clue? OK fine! I’ll refresh your memory….

So you know the cult movie from the 80′s, The Dark Crystal? Remember? Yeah I thought you might. So there is this scene where the guy Gelfling character, who for some reason is named Jen, meets a girl character while he is stuck in the mud. She reaches out and gives him her hand and BAM! they can actually see each others memories from the time they were little! Jen asks her what is happening and she tells him they are “Dream Fasting.”

THE SAME THING TOTALLY HAPPENED TO US! I kid you not! I have all these images of sweet little 7 year old Karina walking through snow up to her waist in SIBERIA wearing 3 pairs of pants and with scarfs wrapped all around her face so that only her eyes are showing! I see the beautiful icy frost patterns on the windows! I see her grandmother! I see her neighbor checking in on her while her mother is away for weeks at a time! I can see her walking her (at the time) emotionally unstable mother to and from work! I can see them tricking her father to sign to let her come to America! I can see everything and it is wicked cool!

But then wait! What is it that Karina is seeing? It’s little Summer walking home near a field smelling something funny burning. WHOSH! Now she is walking from school singing songs to angels and talking to Jesus. WHOSH! Now she is overhearing her elementary school teachers reporting that “she has her head in the clouds.” What now? It’s tween Summer in braces with the first boy to hold her hand. WHOSH! WHOSH! There she is finally recognizing the impact of one family members dark secret and then slammed with a sad realization of anothers!

Whoa!

What just happened? Did Karina slip me another roofie? Was there hallucinogens in the wine?

No.

We totally f’ing “Dream Fasted.”

Blogfully yours,

Summer

K to the R stories, Story Time

Russians say it best

March 2nd, 2009
2 comments
One of the things that I love about my best friend Karina the Russian is that she has no filter. She always says exactly what is on her mind and uses the word vagina more than a gynecologist. She is one of my biggest supporters (a fact that she is very vocal about), she spells words how they sounds and she is constantly revealing parts of the story that I am leaving out. Her crass comments leave me in stitches on a daily basis so I thought I’d share some with you!

“A cautionary Tale”

“Everyone else is doing it”

” Kicking 8.5 miles in its mountain ass”


“I’m positively positive”

“The year for my girls”

“Environmental Dating”

“Happy 2009″

“Worlds greatest TV show: Crotch Mafia”

“Tacky Christmas Party”

Blogfully yours,

Summer

K to the R stories, Posts Grandma won't approve of, Random

Damn cat! Damn Boyfriend!

January 30th, 2009
7 comments
A while ago Karina the Russian and I decided that the one good thing about having an albino retard cat (Bodie), was that we could blame him for everything. House is a mess? Damn cat! No food in the kitchen? Damn cat!! Stub your toe? Damn cat!!! Start your period? Having a bad hair day? DAMN CAT!!! It has been an ongoing joke for a while now, especially over text messages.

“I’ve been running around all day. So tired. No gym. Damn cat!”

“Gonna be late! Damn cat! Be there in 20.”

“OMG! Is this some kind of f’ing joke?? 3rd day I’m turning on the radio and Hoobastank is on AGAIN! F@*%ING CAT!

And my personal favorite, sent from Karina while trying to navigate the Denver airport.

“Did you know Island 3 and Island Street sounds the same to a Russian person?! Damn cat! I already made a few people laugh here!”

So Wednesday night ED came over. We both decided to put homework on hold and just have a quality stress free night together. We watched The Daily Show, The Soup and American Idol (Salt Lake City auditions) while munching on Kettle Corn. We cuddled on the couch, we laughed, we relaxed. It was perfect. To two busy college students, it was a slice of heaven. Before we were going to call it a night I said “Oh no! I didn’t get a new blog post written!” He told me it was OK and that I could blame it on him and just say “No new post. Was distracted. Damn boyfriend!”

Boy is he going to regret saying that! Now that I have his permission, I have already come up with several ways to fully take advantage of it: I have nothing to wear. Damn boyfriend! My apartment is a disaster. Damn boyfriend! I’m late for work again. Damn boyfriend! I’m out of beer, wine AND vodka? DAMN BOYFRIEND!!!

Not quite the same as “Damn cat”… IT’S BETTER!!!

I’m so going to be single forever…

Blogfully yours,
Summer

Dating debating, K to the R stories, Posts Grandma won't approve of

Going Green

January 27th, 2009
8 comments
I’m changing my stance. Environmental dating, on the rare occasion, is not such a bad thing. In fact, I am quite pleased with the results. Don’t worry, I’m not going to get all sappy about liking a guy… I have Karina to do that for me.

Karina: So how are things going with you and ED? What did you guys do the other night?

Me: I like him! He is pretty freaking adorable. He came over and we had a study date… where we actually studied! I didn’t realize that was possible! He was all studying at the table and I was all at my desk, then we would take a break to kiss for a second, then study some more.

Karina: OH! MY! GOD! You guys are like the hottest sexiest nerdiest couple EVER! That is so freaking cute! Oh honey! Wait… is he like your boyfriend now?

Me: Um…

Karina: He totally is! That is so cute! Honey I am so happy for you!

What can I say? He gets me. I get him. He gives me a case of the butterflies and makes me smile that big goofy smile when I see a text or get a call from him.

I can’t believe I am actually posting a picture of us. It will probably be the kiss of death. Don’t be surprised next week when I post the breakup post. I’m jinxing myself… but look how cute and happy we are are! How can I resist sharing him with the internet?

Blogfully yours,
Summer

Dating debating, K to the R stories

Small Lake City

January 26th, 2009
5 comments
For a week strait my BFF Karina the Russian has been talking about how we need to go to Sundance. Not that we need to watch one of the films, but that we need to go to a fancy party and meet celebrities. Unfortunately the weekend she could get a sitter was this last weekend and from what I hear, all of the celebrities went home after the first weekend. Minor details to Karina, we were going to go out and have a good time damn it!

Karina called all of her connections and we were set to get into the Ed Hardy party at Harryos… for free ($100 door cover)! That is until 10 minutes before we were going to head up the canyon to Park City. I guess our connection decided that he wanted to stay in Salt Lake instead. My heart sank. UGH! Another night out in Salt Lake! But, ever the optimists, we decided that we were already all dolled up so we would go out.

I gotta tell you, going out in Salt Lake has lost it’s appeal. I must be getting old or something. You see all of the same people, hear the same music and have the same night as you did the time before. Speaking of seeing people, it was like a convention of past suitors for both Karina and me. Suitors is such a horrible word, but I can’t think of a better one. Luckily for me, ED was there to thwart them off. Poor Karina saw a guy that she really fell hard for until he disappeared off the planet. Luckily she looked smoking HOTT and I think he felt like an ass for ever letting her go. Serves him right.

Anyway, I am giving up on going out for a little while. Don’t worry, crazy things will find me without bars or alcohol. I just seem to have a knack for finding crazy.

Blogfully yours,

Summer

K to the R stories, Out and About

Worlds Greatest TV Show: CROTCH MAFIA

January 5th, 2009
6 comments

With a name like that, it can only mean one thing. That’s right, it’s time for another installment of Karina the Russian stories.

Like a lot of the ladies out there, Karina and I are big fans of the nighttime soap opera shows containing similar plots about girl power, friendships and all the quirks that come their way, i.e. Sex and the City, Cashmere Mafia, and our recent favorite Lipstick Jungle. The other night we were watching one such show, when Karina turned to me and said, “you know they should really make a show about us! I’m serious! Think about it, 2 friends, one is a sexy successful business woman advertising person and the other is from Russia and manages a hair salon. Man, the drama I have to deal with with those bitches is enough to write it’s own show. Plus we get into trouble no matter where we go and we are always having adventures and man troubles. We can call it ‘Crotch Mafia’!!! Oh. My. God. It’s perfect! I’m serious honey, we can make a lot of money on this. Somebody who would be smart, would make a show about us.”

I laughed and told her “yes, but in those shows they always have some rich guy chasing after them and trying to sweep them off their feet and that is just not happening for me.”

“YET! It’s only because you haven’t met the right man. That asshole is out there somewhere taking his sweet ass time.”

Of course the “crotch” in “Crotch Mafia” is a reference to my greatest and most bizarre complement. It has kind of stuck though. If I am ever having a down day, just say “sexy crotch” to me and I can’t help but smile. Plus it’s fun to say. I recommend complementing all of your girlfriends by telling them they have a sexy crotch area. See what they say. I bet they will never forget it.

DISCLAIMER: Telling someone they have a “sexy crotch” is done at your own risk. I claim no responsibility for any negative reaction such as a slap to the face, knee to the groin, or getting dumped. However, if the reaction is positive, please feel free to send them a link to my blog.

Blogfully yours,
Summer

K to the R stories, Story Time

It’s Official!

December 23rd, 2008
2 comments

I am “officially” in a relationship with my BFF Karina the Russian. I suppose it was only a matter of time. I can’t even tell you how many times we have been asked if we are “more than friends.” Well now, thanks to the postal service, there is proof that we are in fact “more than friends.”

Our first piece of mail together! To my family Christmas party no less! I was worried they wouldn’t accept my new relationship… I am so happy to see them embracing it with open arms! Maybe it has something to do with the fact that even though we are “officially” in a relationship, we still are not lesbians. That’s probably helping with the whole acceptance part. Honestly I think it would be great if we were lesbians, we already make such a cute couple and all. But, sadly, we are both big of fans of the penis so until the penis fairy comes around we are content to have our non-lesbian, best friends relationship.

Blogfully yours,
Summer

Holidays, K to the R stories

Corrupt Christmas Carols

December 17th, 2008
5 comments
Christmas songs get old really fast when you have heard the same ones your entire life. I have gotten to the point where I pretty much know every song played, word for word, without even thinking about it, yet alone the meaning behind them. Where am I going with this? Why am I writing about Christmas songs?

The other day I was driving in the car with my BFF, Karina the Russian. One of the trendy “top 40′s” radio station decided to play a re-mix of the old classic “Grandma Got Ran Over By A Reindeer“. Now I have heard this song countless times, I am pretty sure we even sang it in Elementary school for a Christmas concert. It has always been just a silly, funny, harmless song. That is, until I saw it through Karina’s eyes.

Karina: “Are you listening to what this song is saying? This song is so messed up! Are they saying what I think they are saying? Listen!”

“She’d been drinking too much eggnog and we begged her not to go. But she’d left her medication and she stumbled out the door into the snow.”

Karina: “Oh. My. God.”

“When they found her Christmas mornin’ at the scene of the attack, there were hoof prints on her forehead…

Karina: “Seriously!”

“and incriminatin’ Claus marks on her back. Oh! Grandma got run over by a reindeer, walking home from our house Christmas eve. You can say there’s no such thing as Santa, but as for me and Grandpa we believe.”

Karina: “In Russia they don’t have songs like this. This song is seriously messed up. Very bad. How freaking rude and crude is that? Instead of worrying about grandma they are believing in Santa? I mean that is just wrong. That is a traditional song? What is wrong with you people? That is just sick and wrong. If my grandma got ran over by a reindeer I would not be singing about Santa. Seriously American people are so weird.”

She continued on like that for quite some time. I was practically rolling in my seat from laughing so hard. Mostly because she is right. It IS a pretty morbid Christmas song.

Luckily the remixed version of the song, with all it’s electronic drum beats, stopped there and mixed itself on to a different song. I’d hate to think of what Karina would have thought if she heard the rest of the song go on to talk about Grandpa watching football and drinking beer or the dilemma of opening Grandma’s gifts or sending them back. I’m sure that would have made her completely loose faith in Americans forever!

What did this whole experience teach me? Something about being desensitized to music, numb to the holiday hype, oblivious to the obvious… one of those I’m sure. But more importantly, it taught me about priorities. If my Grandma ever gets hit by a reindeer, I am hunting down that fat man in a suit, along with his freakishly gifted reindeer, and making them pay. Maybe in the form of extra gifts such as designer purses, clothes, and trips. But regardless…

He. Will. Pay.

Blogfully yours,

Summer

Holidays, K to the R stories, Story Time

Friday Night with Hoobastank

December 15th, 2008
1 comment


Friday night Karina the Russian, my sis Staci and I went to the X96 Nightmare Before X-mas concert featuring Anberlin and Hoobastank.

Somewhere around 6 years ago, Karin the Russian had met the guitarist for Hoobastank while working for a hotel. She has often talked about him and how much she wished that she had returned his call way back when. So I suggested to her to reach out and contact him (through the lovely myspace world) to see if he remembered her, which of course he did – vividly! Long story short, we ended up hanging out with the band before they went on stage, we stood on the side of the stage while they played their set and partyed with them at the unofficial after party. Needless to say, Karin is “in love”… again. Unfortunately we didn’t bring a camera and didn’t think to take many camera phone pictures so this is our only “good” picture.

The band(s), their technical people and their friends were all amazingly cool. It’s safe to say we had a VERY good time. I’d like to say that I have gotten to the point where I am not star struck by rockstars, but sometimes I still am. For example, I couldn’t get up the nerve to go over and say “hi” to the lead singer of Anberlin. I LOVE those guys! In fact, 3 years ago I actually got to meet them, but for some reason I lost my nerve completely. He was sitting maybe 15 feet away from me too! Guess it didn’t help that I was a little tipsy and they are a “Christian Rock” band so I am not sure if they even drink or not. Regardless, I just kept picturing making an ass out of my self by saying something stupid like “Hi! Remember me? We met 3 years ago. I LOVE YOU! I have all of your albums – memorized! Let’s get married and have lots of rockstar babies!” then security would inevitably be called and they would have to pry me off of him and the whole time I would be screaming “I love you! Call me!” while shouting out my phone number.

Regarless of my chicken-shit-ness, we did have a lot of fun.

Rockstars, motocross guys, tour buses, Doritos, VIP section, lots of laughing… you know, our typical Friday night out.

Blogfully yours,
Summer

Concert whore, K to the R stories, Out and About

Frankenstein gets an A

December 10th, 2008
5 comments
Conversation with Karina the Russian:

Me: “Guess what honey? I just finished taking my math final and…you’re never going to believe this, but I got 100% on it which also means I am going to get an A out of the class! The teacher graded our finals as soon as we finished them. It was all I could do to keep from jumping up and down in the middle of class! Can you believe it?”

Karina: “Oh my god! Honey that is so fabulous! You are such a little Frankenstein….or….um…”

Me: laughing

Karina: “Einstein! You are such a sexy little Einstein! You are like, the sexiest nerd I know! I bet all of the college boys have to put their books on their laps when the sexy nerd walks into class! I’m so proud of you honey! Seriously!”

Me: “I freaking love you!”

Karina: “I love you too my sexy-crotch-Einstein-college-girl!”

I have completed my first college course in over 7 years. My first math class in over 10 years! I am actually very impressed with myself. Honestly, I have never been an A student. I was more concerned with boys or working or being a social butterfly. I suppose the difference this time has to do with maturity or perhaps discipline levels. Maybe it is the fact that I am paying for the classes and I’ll be damned if I will let that money go to waste.

No matter what the combining factors are, I got my first college A and it feels great!

Blogfully yours,
Summer

Back to School, K to the R stories