Step 1. Find a time and location that works for both of you where there will be minimal distractions.

Step 2. Make sure there is plenty of wine and/or vodka.

Step 3. Upon seeing each other for the first time in over a week, hug until you can not breath.

Step 4. Cry.

Step 5. Pour two glasses of wine to the brim and make sandwiches.

Step 6. Put children to bed, pour second glasses of wine and sit on couches holding pillows.

Step 7. Have “the talk”. Apologize, accept responsibility, come up with a plan to never fight again and promise to prioritize your friendship.

Step 8. Cry some more. Hug some more. Top off wine glasses.

Step 9. Watch three episodes of Weeds. Compare the characters to people you actually know.

Step 10. Pause weeds. Microwave home waxing kit. Wax each others eyebrows and peach fuzz. Laugh at how ridiculous you both look in the mirror.

Step 11. Text boyfriend to let him know you got your best friend back but you are missing an eyebrow. Laugh hysterically when he believes you.

Step 12. Realize the time. Hug again, say goodbye and I love you. Text when arriving home safely. Finally sleep through the night.

Blogfully yours,

Summer

K to the R stories, Lessons Learned

What can I say? This weekend was an emotional one for me. It started out with a humongus fight between Karina the Russian and myself. This year has been a hard one for us. We have gone through more ups and downs than ever. It was less than two months ago when I wrote about our last fight, or rather, our last make up. This fight has been particularly hard on me, a lot of harsh things were said–on both of our parts–and I have had no way to get a hold of her due to her cell phone going AWOL.  We are both stubborn individuals and we are both hurting. I’ve blubbered about it to my sister and I’ve lashed out at ED when he didn’t deserve it. The only thing I could think of to make me feel better is shopping… and boy did I shop!

I am moving next weekend (insert happy dance) to my new place! To catch you up, I have been temporarily living with my parents for the past month until my new place is ready. IT’S FINALLY READY!!! And since I sold a lot of my old decorations to rid myself of bad juju, I needed to get new stuff. Retail therapy–I don’t care what anybody says–is great. Although I can’t say it helped me forget that I was fighting with my best friend. In fact, it made me miss her more.

Sunday I decided to abuse my body and rejuvenate my soul by going for a four mile downhill hike. My knees hate me right now, but look how totally beautiful it was!

The view from the top of Snowbird Resort

It was a little Chilly right after getting off the tram

But the hike is oh so worth it

The leaves are starting to change!

making mountain sides look on fire with bright oranges, reds and yellows

The wild flowers are still in bloom towards the bottom of the trail

But this has to be my favorite picture from the hike!

You’d think with the shopping and nature therapy I did this weekend I would be quite content – but I am not. I miss my best friend and I need to find a way to get over myself and get things back to the way they used to be. Life is too short to spend it upset and good friends are hard to come by. I just hope she’s come to the same conclusion!

Blogfully yours,

Summer

Hiking, K to the R stories, Moving Blows

Yesterday I spent a lovely lunch with my best friend, Karina the Russian. As we are getting ready to go she asked me how my school was going.

Me: “Ugh. I have to give a speech tonight. The teacher told us we could give it on anything we wanted.”

Karina the Russian: “Oh really?”

Me: “Guess what I picked.”

KtR: “Tell Me!”

Me: “How to Shave a Cat in Three Easy Steps.”

KtR: “Oh my God! Let me get this straight… you are giving a speech on shaving your pussy?”

Me: “Yep.”

KtR: “You HAVE to say pussy in your speech! Please. PLEASE? You have to throw it in there! At least once? I promise you will get everyones attention. In fact, I bet you will get an A plus! DO IT! Say pussy in your speech!”

Me: “Honey I can’t do that! They are recording our speeches to review later. This is like, for a real grade.”

KtR: “DO IT!”

Me: “NO!”

KtR: “Pussy.”

Apparently Karina’s entertainment is more important than my grades, which makes her a shitty friend. OK, that’s a lie. She is totally the best friend anyone could ever ask for.

In case you are wondering, because Karina was, no, I did not use pussy in my speech. Maybe I am a coward, but at least I am a coward who got an A on her speech.

Blogfully yours,

Summer

K to the R stories, Story Time

For the past month I have been at odds with my best friend, Karina the Russian. It has been eating at me and tearing me apart because this girl has been there for me through so much.

She moved me out of the haunted house on the mountain, only a week after meeting me, because she knew what it was like to get out of a toxic relationship. She taught me how to smile again when I didn’t think I had it in me. She told me that I am amazing and beautiful and my hair smells nice too, because I needed to hear those things.

Whenever I had a bad day, she was there. Whenever I needed to take care of a wild hair up my ass, she was there – vodka in hand. We’ve laughed together, we’ve cried together, we have memory after countless memory together, many of them documented on this blog.  She was my non-lesbian date through all of the holidays. She broke into my apartment when I lost the key. She supported me going back to school. She made me breakfast and bought me cookies, “Sandy Mandy” cookies (one of my personal favorite posts). She has been my rock. She has been my best friend.

Going a whole month without her has been horrible! The worst part being I had no idea what was causing the strain between us. I pretended like it didn’t bother me, but it was eating me alive! It even gave me nightmares.

We finally spoke! I hate that it was over the phone, but we spoke none the less and it was more then the “so what ‘cha been up to” crap. Oh sure it started out that way but in no time we were both blubbering over the phone telling each other all about hurt feelings this and afraid to tell you thats. I don’t know that we came up for air for about an hour. By the time we had both calmed down and we (mostly I) apologized for not being there for one another I felt like a giant weight had been lifted off my chest. NO, better yet, I felt like I just got handed a giant chocolate bar with toffee and caramel and almonds all mixed together in a perfect gourmet blend with zero calories and zero guilt AND this perfect chocolate bar was handed to me right after having PMS for 2 weeks straight!

I HAVE MY BEST FRIEND BACK!

I’m telling you, once you go Russian you never go back… Russian BFF that is.

Blogfully yours,

Summer

K to the R stories

CAUTION: Please have your earmuffs (or eyemuffs?) ready because Russians talk dirty.

Oh Karina, Karina, Karina. What trouble have you gotten yourself into this time?
Before I begin this tale of woe, I want to first clarify that I am doing so with full permission from the lovely Karina the Russian, as this truly is one of her most embarrassing moments.

The other night, as Staci, Karina and I were gathered to color my hair, we were all talking like we do about random chick things when out of the blue Karina looks up from her phone, gets this panicked look on her face and says, “Oh no… OH NO! OH SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!”

Immediately both Staci and I are like “what’s wrong? What happened?” But all Karina can do is shake her head with a look of disbelief and horror and say “Fuck my life!”

After a little bit of coaxing we finally found out that her boyfriend, The Dirty Rocker, had been texting her from 2 phones while he was away visiting his family. He asked her to save both numbers so she would know it was him when he called or text.

Now, Karina is not what one would call shy about her sexuality. Let’s just say she is a woman who knows how to keep things interesting…  So when she told us she accidentally sent a message requesting a picture of  The Dirty Rockers dick… to the wrong number, the only question to ask was whose number was it?

She explained, in between a combination of crying and laughing, that she had saved the second number The Dirty Rocker had given her under THE EXACT SAME NAME! So when she got “Who is this?” as a reply she instantly realized her blunder.

By this point she has dropped down to the floor and is continuing to mumble a combination of “Oh my god. Oh my god.” and “Fuck my life. Fuck my life.” over and over so we ask her again, who’s number she sent the message to.

Karina clears her throat, looks right at me and says, “The Dirty Rockers MOTHER!!!”

You can imagine the howls that started in after that! Both Staci and I chiming in with “NO WAY” and “YOU DIDN’T!” and laughing so hard tears started forming in our eyes too! At this point Staci grabs a camera because this moment of  Karina’s ultimate horror and humiliation was too precious not to capture and we knew (once her humiliation subsided) she would appreciate it. May sound odd to you, but we like to capture all types of moments — not just the happy ones!

I am happy to report that The Dirty Rockers mother has an excellent sense of humor and Karina is still welcome to come around. She is working on double checking every text before it goes out and keeping her head held high.

Feel free to share any of your most embarrassing moments in the comments. It will make Karina the Russian feel better.

Blogfully yours,

Summer

K to the R stories, Posts Grandma won't approve of, Story Time

My lovely BFF, Karina the Russian had a birthday! Every year her birthday is a time to celebrate. This year by comparison was a lot more toned down than last years 5 day long celebration, but still an amazing time complete with the most important things: friends, food and cocktails.

The standard pre-party picture.

Staci and Codi

The girls! I love when they put me in the middle.

We were all so happy my babe ED could make it… that is until he invited a Red Headed Slut to join our party…

That bitch makes things all sorts of crazy!

Karina I love you so much! We have been through so much in such a short time. I hope that 27 (the second anniversary of your 25th birthday) brings you all the love, passion, success and “moments” you deserve! Thank you for always being there for me. You’ll never know how much it has meant to me.

Blogfully yours,

Summer

PS – no actual Red Headed Sluts were hurt in the celebration of Karina the Russians birthday party. They were however consumed by way of shots

K to the R stories, Loved One(s), Uncategorized

I have some very exciting news! I’m going to MEXICO! Si! Es true. In 2 months I will be laying on the beautiful white beaches of the Riviera Maya with my babe ED.

We have been talking about taking a trip together in between summer and fall semesters. Both of our birthdays are in August (Leo’s rule! Rawr!) and it will be the big 3-0 for ED, so we figured what better way to celebrate than by spending 6 days and 5 nights plastered in a foreign country.

We booked our trip Sunday night and of course I had to text Karina the Russian to let her know that it was really happening.

Me: OMG! ED and I just booked our trip! It’s official work out, tan and save money like crazy time!

KTR: Yeah! That is so cool! OK, I’m going to start working on your to do list!

So the “to do” list is something Karina gives me before I leave on any and every trip I take. It started when we went to California last year and she made me pretend to be from England and flirt with local surfers. Then it continued when I visited ED’s parents for the first time in the country and “have sex in a barn” was on the list. The most recent list came from my trip to Zions National Park where I had to scream from the top of my lungs that I was the queen of the world, much to EDs ultimate embarrassment.

KTR: 1st! Find a hot pink taco and eat it!

KTR: 2nd! Have sex in a sombrero!

KTR: 3rd! Watch a donkey show!

KTR: Drue (random new guy friend) says you need to bring me a grain of rice with my name on it too. Oh, and eat a bacon wrapped hot dog from a street meat cart!

Me: Um… we are not going to Tijuana… we are staying at a classy place!

KTR: Don’t worry, I’ll have more for you later. I’m watching playboy Hef and he has a new girlfriend named Christal!

Seriously I can’t help but love that girl!

If you have items to add to my “to do” list for Mexico, preferably one’s that don’t involve donkeys or eating questionable food, let me know.

Gracias!

Blogfully yours,

Summer

K to the R stories, Vacations

Over the weekend I disobeyed the doctors orders and it felt great! That is, until Monday morning.

Friday I went to the X96 Big Ass Show with Karina the Russian. I was a lot more behaved than I was last year when I was running around getting my picture taken with every rock star I laid eyes on. But, when you have VIP tickets which give you access to free beer…. it would have been a shame to let it go to waste.

A few of the bands I really enjoyed watching were The Airborne Toxic Event (seriously in love with these guys! If you don’t know who they are watch THIS), Red Jumpsuit Apparatus and of course Offspring. Offspring was the headlining band and they tore it up! It was so funny to watch Karina looking at everyone else sing along to the songs. “You don’t know this one?” I would scream over the crowd. Then she would look at me with her of course I don’t know this one I’m from Russia bitch look. I would of course laugh and she would tell me how she was going to take me to Russia and laugh at me when I didn’t know the bands who were playing.

The next morning Karina and I went to brunch. I had coffee and the most amazing crab Benedict served over cornbread with an avocado relish. I’m drooling thinking about it again. I kept marveling as we sat outside on the patio at how I really felt OK. All of the symptoms from last week seemed to have magically disappeared. How amazingly wonderful for me!

Saturday night I went to 2 barbecues where the food, margaritas and wine flowed freely. I felt great and had a wonderful time. Then Sunday came along. Damn you Sunday. Such a fun wrecker. I studied for over 12 hours trying to make up for all of my play time then I had a stress induced anxiety attack.

So now here I am, back where I started. Taking several over the counter meds and eating bland foods. Apparently when they talk about school being a sacrifice they are not kidding. My body is telling me I can no longer play like I used to plus handle the stress of work, school and finances. I think it sucks. I think I SHOULD be able to handle it all. But sadly, superwoman left the building a long time ago.

Blogfully yours,

Summer

Back to School, Bag full of complaints, Concert whore, K to the R stories, Out and About

I was tired (and by tired I mean too busy trying to catch up on my DVR shows) last night and didn’t get a new post written. I decided to bring my laptop with me to work so that I could write on my lunch break. So, since it’s lunch time and since I am sitting in a Russian owned coffee shop plus I have these adorable pictures I have not shared… here you go!

My darling BFF, Karina the Russian, often joins me for lunch and brings along her (our) 2 beautiful Russian children. On this particular beautiful spring day last week, we decided that lunch should consist of pizza at the park. The kids couldn’t have been happier with this idea.

We soaked up as much sun and grease as we could. Karina commented on how it was so beautiful that you don’t even need to close your eyes to “create a moment”. Creating a moment is something we often do. You simply take a bite of food, shut your eyes and focus on simply being in that moment closing out all other thoughts. We even do this with the kids so when Dimitri heard his mom say this he promptly spoke up, “nut-uh! Mom you have to close your eyes to create a moment. That’s how you do it!”

Not to be out done, little Pasha decided to teach us a lesson as well. Although she is better at letting us figure it out for ourselves rather than telling us. So what did we learn? Do not, under any circumstances, share a drink with a 2 year old child – especially one who is eating pizza!

Blogfully yours,

Summer

K to the R stories, Lessons Learned, Loved One(s)

Truly, I had the best of intentions. You see, I have been getting my cat Aurora shaved 1 to 2 times per year for the past, oh I don’t know, 4 years. I started out taking her to a vet/groomer where my best friend Jenn worked at the time. They would sedate her and she would wake up looking like a lion. It was awesome! But after Jenn left the vet and the “friends and family” discount was gone, we decided to start shaving Aurora as well as Jenn’s cats on our own.

For some reason last night was the night that I felt she HAD to be shaved. Only problem was, Jenn has the fancy-shmancy professional clippers and she was not available. So I decided to pick up a pair and give it a whirl myself, and by myself I actually mean with the help of Karina the Russian.
I know I look evil in this picture… But believe me, we are both MUCH happier when she is shaved. I get to de-hair my place and she gets loved a whole lot more due to the fact that I don’t get a handful of hair every time I pet her.
Truth be told I’m lucky my neighbors didn’t call to complain once we got started. Cats are not easy to wrestle, even if they love you, they do not want to be restrained (go figure). Ultimately I think the problem was that I only spent $35 on clippers. They gave out about 2 strokes into the hair cut.
But we kept on trying…

Poor kitty looks like a cross between a chemo patient and a road kill victim. I feel like the mom who cuts her kids hair crooked and makes them go to school anyway. Good thing she’s a cat and can’t feel embarrassment or she might hate me forever.
I sent this picture to Jenn and she felt sorry for my cat and is coming over tomorrow to help me finish shaving her.
Thank god for friends who are willing to help you shave your… cat.

K to the R stories, Random, drinking when posting