My Christmas tree is up. So are the five boxes of Christmas decorations that have been hibernating in my basement. My house is filled with about as much goddamn Christmas cheer as I can muster.

But still, even with all of the facade, it’s still a little lonely here.

I spent the morning before Thanksgiving tossing turkeys. Literally. Every year my work, along with other volunteers, help to unload three semi-trucks filled with frozen turkeys and other Thanksgiving foods. We form a human conveyor belt tossing the turkeys from the truck, up the stairs, to the sorting area, into the hands of needing families.

This picture does not even come close to doing the event justice.

But, here is a link to a write up in the local paper about the event that does it a little more justice. I know I am going to sound like a wimp, but my arms are still a little sore from all the tossing.

I spent Thanksgiving eve through Thanksgiving day with my family.  Normally my food assignment is one that does not require any cooking – like rolls or drinks – this year however, I made (with the help of my sister Staci) two caramel pecan pies.

Yummy sugary goodness! Recipe cutesy of my ex-mother in-law.

I didn’t necessarily plan to spend the night before Thanksgiving sleeping at my parents house. Outside of my mother reminding me to brush my teeth and not to snack too much before dinner because it would spoil my appetite (I’m THIRTY mother, THIRTY! I can remember to brush my teeth all on my own!), it was nice not to be alone.

Thanksgiving day was filled with glutenous amounts of food and family followed by a cross-kick to the head in the form of what I assume to be a sinus infection because of the ungodly amount of snot flowing from my nose.  This rendered me immobile for the remainder of the weekend. No Black Friday shopping for me. In fact, if it wasn’t for Karina the Russian and her two kids, I would never have gotten my tree up.

Kids make Christmas so much more fun.

We listened to kids Christmas songs which was slightly torturous for Karina and I, but hearing the kids giggling relentlessly while singing along to “All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth” made it worth it. We were naughty and ate candy before dinner then watched a movie while cuddling up on the couch together and truly enjoyed just being silly together.

They are the closest things I have to children/a family of my own.

But now here I sit, my sparkly Christmas tree to my left, my Christmas village to the right and snow falling out the window directly in front of me. Part of me feels morose. Part of me is enjoying the freedom of having no responsibilities or obligations outside of the ones I chose to dictate upon myself.

Being single for the holidays is a double edge sword. It is the life I chose, but not necessarily the life I want.

Blogfully yours,

Summer

Holidays

What can I say? John and I broke up. It was the right thing to do. I really did like the idea of he and I together–he is smart, successful, organized, knows what he wants and has expensive taste–but in the end the spark was not there for me. He did nothing wrong. In fact, he did everything as right as he possibly could have.

I knew things were on the wrong track when he went out of town and I found myself miserably missing not him. Right or wrong I always compared him to my ex who I am admittedly still completely hung up on. I mean, I was going to marry the man for god sake (not that we were engaged or anything, but, you know, that was the direction we would have been on) so obviously I was crazy about him! It wasn’t fair to John. It never was from the beginning. How could he ever have a chance at getting into my heart when I never got my heart back to begin with?

Dating is a crazy messed up game, and you know it totally is a game. It’s the worst type of game too. There are all sorts of unspoken rules, manipulations, and mind games. The scores are never transparent and in the end there are rarely any winners; simply broken hearts and the longing to play the game with someone new. Or in my case, the longing to play the game with a past opponent.

Blogfully yours,

Summer

Dating debating

I haven’t stepped foot inside a church in…about forever. I was raised in the Mormon faith and for the first 18 years of my life I was very devout. I was baptized at the age of eight, I can sing along to all of the traditional primary songs, and I went to seminary throughout most of high school. However, as is the case with so many of the Latter Day Saints, once I was out on my own I started questioning things and eventually fell away from the church.

So what, pray tel, could inspire me to walk back inside the house of the lord after all these years?

One thing. This beautiful little girl.

Adorable, right?

This little cutie pie is my older sister’s daughter, Kaia. In the Mormon religion, babies are given a blessing by worthy members of the Melchizedek Priesthood within the first month of their life. While my sister is also not an active member of the LDS church, the tradition of blessing a baby goes deeper than just religion. It is a ritual that is very important to my family.

So, on that note, I put on a knee length skirt, covered up my tattoos and chewed a piece of gum to mask the coffee on my breath. Two deep breaths, a pep talk to myself in the car and I walked into the ward house with my head held high and a smile on my face.

The blessing was given by my father. It was beautiful, he is a most eloquent speaker. After concluding the blessing he raised baby Kaia up for the congregation to see which got a reverent chuckle from the crowd.

Sacrament meetings in the LDS church last an hour and twenty minutes. Words can not describe just how long that amount of time feels. But, I survived. I figure I’m now on solid terms with Jesus for another five to ten years. Or at least until the next baby blessing.

Blogfully yours,

Summer

Loved One(s)

Today’s lesson will be taught by your substitute teacher. Professor Dean, the self-proclaimed “dating expert,” is a colleague and drinking buddy friend of mine. Pay close attention class. No really, pay close attention or his mind blowing thought process might just go over your head.

Why Summer can’t stay single: Dean’s Law of (e)Motion

As you all know by now, Summer has pretty much jumped back into a relationship. I give her props for being able to wait a whole three months before taking this step. But why, you may ask yourself, does it require such restraint for Summer to stay out of a relationship while so many other seemingly desirable people have such trouble getting into one?

One word: physics.

I believe it was good ‘ol Isaac Newton that said an object in motion tends to stay in motion. But how does that apply to Summer? Let me explain. When someone is successfully single, they tend to stay in that groove. Sure, they’ll date someone for a little bit, but sooner or later they’ll discover this person is oh-so-wrong for them and that the relationship will never work out because of something very legitimate and super disappointing.

The long-term relationship lane is a very different one. This is because “lovers lane” is full of people that have been in relationships for so long, that making the adjustments necessary to make a relationship work has become part of who they are. When you put two of those people together–providing there’s adequate interest on each side–it’s nearly impossible for nature to not run its course. That’s not to say that the serial monogamists aren’t picky–they every bit as picky as their serially single friends. But, they’re so accustomed to being in the world of couples–with their couply friends, and their practical vehicles and their formerly-shared furniture–that they find it’s just easier to stay in it…even if they’re in it by themselves for a little while.

So, how does a single person get into this clingy club? The easiest way is to find a recently-single serial monogamist and hold on for the ride.

Just like John is trying to do.

~ Prof. Dean

Summer School

Last weekend I was invited to go on a weekend trip to Denver with the man I’ve been seeing, John. I choose to decline. Partially because I am not sure I am ready to take the ginormous step that is traveling with a man, but also because of prior commitments – the most important of which being Zach’s memorial.

Saturday, November 6th, 2010, marked the one year anniversary of my dear friend Zach’s death. In his honor his mother set up a memorial brunch at the last place she had dined with him, Ihop.

My sister Staci, just as she did one year ago, spent the entire day by my side. She was and is still my greatest support. She encouraged me to remember the good times and we talked at length about what a wonderful man he was. He had the most amazing smile. It was absolutely contagious. You’d catch a glance at his big ol’ grin and the next thing you know you would be smiling too.

I won’t go into the depth of my anticipation and flat out dread of this day. I miss my friend. I miss him all the time. Words can not fully explain the grief I experienced when he died and the grief I experience still. But no matter how extreme my grief, I know it is nothing compared to the grief of his mother whom I adore and love. Zach would have wanted me to be there for her.

Truthfully all I did was show up, sit next to her, and tell her I love her. I think sometimes that’s the best capacity of being there for someone. Obviously I’m no saint just for showing up, quite the opposite. My actions were actually a little self motivated…

By seeing Zach’s mom, I got to see a part of Zach. Denver will never be able to hold a candle to that.

Blogfully yours,

Summer

Loved One(s), NOT light and fluffy

My dear friend and fellow blogger, Cat, recently had an accident that makes my two months on crutches look like a walk in the park. That bitch is always trying to upstage me. OK, that’s a lie. She is actually one of the most genuinely amazing people I know. She was one of my roommates when I went to BlogHer in August and part of the reason that, despite my broken foot, I had the time of my life.

Since there is literally NOTHING I can do to help since she is not allowed visitors (and even if she was she lives in Minnesota!) or phone calls, I hijacked her blog, Zipbagofbones.com, and wrote a post on there.

If you have a moment, stop on over and send her some words of encouragement.

Blogfully yours,

Summer

Guest Blogger, Loved One(s)

Everyone has their favorite holidays. For me, Halloween just might outrank Christmas.

Some see Halloween as a pain, I look forward to it every year. I’ve liked Halloween since I was a little girl. It’s a blast to come up with a new identity, dress up, and be someone different for the night. The only difference between now and when I was a little girl is that my mom no longer approves of my costume choices.

Two years ago I was a boob-a-licious Jessica Rabbit.

Last year I was a Warrior Goddess.

This year I was the White Queen from Alice In Wonderland.

OK, so I was the sexy version of the White Queen.

Of course, what good is a sexy White Queen without a sexy Alice and a sexy Red Queen?

On night two of the Halloween festivities, the Red Queen altered her hair.

I think it's safe to say we have mastered the art of taking self portraits

Did you know the White Queen and Alice are sisters? True story.

I don't think this smile left my face the entire weekend.

Here’s hoping your Halloween was just as much fun!

Blogfully yours,

Summer

PS – to see all of the pictures from the 2010 Halloween Adventure click HERE.

Halloween

I’ve been holding back. Sure, I’ve eluded, but I haven’t come right out and said it.

I’m seeing someone.

Like, pretty much exclusively.

I’m not sure why I just said “pretty much,” he is the only one I am seeing. I guess it makes me feel like things aren’t happening fast if I use ambiguous terms to describe our relationship.

Last week I introduced him TWICE as my friend. As in, “Hi, this is my friend John.”

I don’t think he noticed.

Actually, I know he didn’t.

I know this because last night he slipped and introduced me as his girlfriend to a few of his friends. I neither corrected him nor had an anxiety attack in public. When he was bringing me home later I pointed out his blunder along with how I introduced him the week before. He simply shrugged and said that I could introduce him however I wanted and when I felt comfortable enough to use that terminology to let him know.

Just like that. So mellow. So adorable. Maybe his easy going nature has something to do with his age. He is eleven years older than me. Strangely enough this doesn’t bother me. Quite the opposite actually. He has his career established, knows what he likes and doesn’t like, he is crazy about me, isn’t on Facebook and swears he has no intention of ever reading my blog.

All winning points in my book.

Why keep him a secret then? I guess it’s because I’ve been busy enjoying the newness and not wanting to jinx things by talking about him too soon.

But… now I’m putting it out there. I am officially, pretty much, seeing a man exclusively – that I am not calling my boyfriend.

Wow. Somebody’s got commitment issues and that somebody is probably, most likely me.

Blogfully yours,

Summer

Dating debating

Last week I came into work to find a hand drawn book a co-worker had left on my desk.  This is the same co-worker who put truck nutz on my car and the same person who gave me a hand drawn piece of art for a house warming gift.

As a point of clarification to the “Ginormica” reference, it is a name I once called myself in response to a picture he had photo shopped of me.

"Just call me Ginormica"

Without further ado, I present the not-kid-friendly Ginormica cartoon book.

Hilarious, right?

Subtle, not-so-much.

My prankster co-worker made a delicious dessert for a pot-luck style party I had back in August and made the mistake of leaving the leftovers with me. Apparently he would like his pan back, only I’m not so sure I want to give it back now.

Work is so much more fun when you find unexpected, semi-mocking gifts.

Blogfully yours,

Summer

Circus life, Ginormica, Random

Want to know my favorite thing about throwing a house warming party?

Having a large group of friends together.

Want to know my second favorite thing about throwing a house warming party?

Finding unexpected “gifts” the morning after that leave you slightly baffled and definitely amused.

Gift #1: Squash

I vaguely remember being given this somewhat phallic looking squash as a gift. The surprise came when I woke the next morning with it in bed with me. Besides being slightly cold, it really wasn't a bad cuddler.

Gift #2: Tagged Pumpkins

Speaking of phallic looking squash, my two decorative pumpkins were assaulted by sharpies which drew penises, boobs, and the song lyrics "damn girl, how'd you get all a that in them jeans." I suppose I should move them off my porch, but leaving them there is much more fun.

Gift #3: Hand drawn artwork

A bit of a not so hard to figure out inside-joke, made into a piece of artwork that will always make me smile. Well, until the day that "Aurorica" dies.

Gift #4: WINE!

Being a gal who never seems to be able to keep more than two bottles of wine on hand, this image warmed my alcoholic heart.

Four seems like an random number to stop on…who knows, in the next day or two I may just find number five. Until then, you can enjoy the rest of the pictures from the party by going over HERE.

Blogfully yours,

Summer

PS – am I the only one who finds random gifts the day after a party? Does this happen to you too?

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