Now that I am officially on a dating hiatus, I’d like to take a moment to revel in the complete awesomeness that is single life.

Right now I am sitting on my back porch. It is lit up with Christmas lights, the type that hang down to resemble icicles. I put them up for a housewarming party and never took them down because they look so perfect in my adorable little back yard.  It is night. The crickets are chirping freakishly loud. My cat is sitting on the porch on the lookout for trespassing bugs or varmints. The night is warm. I am sitting at a small patio table wearing a tanktop and panties. From my kitchen a shuffle mix of my favorite music is blaring out at me.

Tonight I went to the gym, came home, watered the lawn and cooked myself a lovely dinner of pork chops, zucchini and sliced tomatoes. I have had a little over a half a bottle of an equally lovely white wine. After dinner I danced in my room while putting away laundry. I wore my ultra girly pink gloves while doing the dishes. I gave myself my nightly facial and I am feeling relaxed.

Being single has it’s completely wonderful moments. Tonight is one of them. I am alone. I am happy. I am not judging myself for being alone. I am at peace.

I’ll be honest. There has been a few times throughout the night that I’ve wondered if I should text one of my cute neighbors to come over and help me drink my wine. But then I rubbed Bengay on my sore knees and realize that if they came over not only would I have to put on pants but I’d have to not smell like an old folks home. WAY too much work.

Right now I am wondering why in the world I have been trying so hard to stay busy. Just chilling out at home is awesome. I think it has finally occurred to me why people choose to stay single. It’s because being self-sufficient and selfish is great. I mean, really, really great. I am not trying to please anyone but myself. I am doing exactly what I want to be doing. I am taking care of my own needs and I am not the least bit bitter about it.

Last night was not as quite as great. I worked until 8. Went to the gym and got home around 9:30. The relationship-me remembered when I used to go to school at night. I would walk up to my relationship-house smelling homemade food. I would enter the house to find a plate of delicious food, a glass of wine and a giant hug and kiss from an oh so pleased with himself man.

It was nice to be taken care of.

But now things are different. I have a new peace. I have crickets. I have an almost full moon. I have my little backyard with it’s charming lights. I have my favorite music playing, my cat keeping guard, and a now mostly empty bottle of lovely white wine. I am not thinking of my next date. I have no plans for the weekend to entertain anyone but myself. I am not drinking to forget – I am drinking for no other reason than because it behoves me to do so.

These beautiful single moments will not last forever. Sooner or later I’ll find myself back on the dating wagon. So for right now, I am going to enjoy the hell out of living for only me. Life is beautiful. Sitting here pantsless, smelling like Bengay, wine and pork chops is priceless. Not necessarily sexy, but it is a single moment meant just for me.

I am happy.

Blogfully yours,

Summer

Dating debating, Just me

A long time ago I realized that my tolerance for crazy is steadily becoming more and more limited. I can put up with a lot – I’m a very patient person – but even patient people have a breaking point. When I am pushed to my breaking point I have learned how to say “enough is enough” and sever all ties.

When I say “crazy” I am not referring to that one friend who happens to get drunk and act crazy every once in awhile, or even that friend who always seems to have drama swirling around them. No, I am referring to a person who enters your life who at first seems pretty normal. Sure they are a little quirky, but you think it’s part of their charm. Then slowly they start saying things that make you scratch your head and think “that sounds a little crazy to me”. Next they start telling lies, seeing things that are not there, fabricating stories or coming up with reasoning that only make sense to them. Soon they start freaking out over nothing, starting fights, acting irrational and basically confirming your theory that they are, in fact, certifiably CRAZY. Depending on the severity of crazy, this may or may not come along with war texting, jealousy, dependency, manipulation, name calling followed by profuse apologies, unexpected visits, and overall fear for your safety.

I don’t know how or why crazy people enter my life. Perhaps they are drawn to me because I tend to see the best in everyone and trust people entirely too easily. Over the years I’ve had to distanced myself from a lot of great friends with tremendous hearts who happen to have a huge screw loose in their head. It can be difficult, but I have a “no crazy people allowed” rule that I live by for the sake of my own sanity.

I’ve only come across the above mentioned level of certifiably CRAZY twice, which is exactly two times too many. In fact, it was after I finally rid myself of the first certifiably CRAZY person that I came up with my “no crazy people allowed” rule.

The problem with certifiably CRAZY people is they keep their craziness hidden at first. They seem normal. Then out of the blue, BAM! Crazy sneaks out and you are left wondering if it is a one time occurrence, which they will surely try to convince you it is. I am here to tell you that it is not a one time occurrence. It is just the beginning.

I’m talking to both guys and girls here because crazy comes in all shapes, sizes and genders. They can start out as friends, lovers, training partners, co-workers, etc. You may even think you love them. You may think that they need you. You may think you can fix them.

Stop.

Stop thinking that right now! Cut crazy out while you can still escape sans emotional or physical wounds because that is exactly where it will be headed. Recognize crazy signs early on and don’t ignore them.

Take it from me, I know.

You might be wondering if I’m so smart, how in the world did a second certifiably CRAZY person weasel their way into my life? Don’t I follow my own advice?

Yes. Yes I do.

It took me about a month to realize my new Coach was crazy. It took me another six weeks to realize he qualified as certifiably CRAZY. Now he is cut from my life. It wasn’t easy. It never is! I was called all sorts of names, told that I needed him and would be nothing without him. I was accused of unforgivable crimes. But, I was smart enough to recognize that crazy is crazy and nothing he could call me was actually a reflection of me. His attempts to hurt me emotionally could only go as deep as I would let them. He may have made me strong in the gym, but I am mentally strong enough to realize that I do not need him.

I will never need crazy in my life, and neither do you.

I realize it is not always easy to cut crazy from your life – especially if it’s been there for a long time. Know this: There is no shame in asking for help. Find a way to distance yourself and don’t go back.

Follow my “no crazy people allowed” rule and I guarantee you will have fewer gray hairs, less wrinkles, no stress induced heartburn and be more successful in your career and in bed.*

Blogfully yours,

Summer

*No real guarantee guaranteed. But I do believe in my heart of hearts positive energy breeds more positive energy. Crazy people will drain you. They will take all of your energy – both positive and negative. Don’t allow it to happen. Use your positive energy to improve your life and the lives of your family and friends. Your true friends, not the crazy ones.

Coach, Lessons Learned, sometimes I get on a soap box, Summer School

Being single in my 30’s has proven to be interesting. People have slowly stopped telling me that I am young and to take my time. Why? Because the truth of the matter is that I’m not that young and time-is-a-tickin! People are gracious enough to stop sugarcoating that fact. Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m also not old…but if I ever want to have a shot at having an offspring of my own, I need to get a move on.

Think about it. I still have to meet the man of my dreams, date him, marry him, and get preggers.

That stuff takes time. Lots of time!

It’s not like soul mates come along every day. And let’s be honest, I don’t have the best track record of picking the right guy. I end up falling in love with emotionally unavailable men. Men who don’t want the same things as me. That makes them the wrong guy. The right guy should have the same goals and aspirations as me. We should want the same things, i.e. love, marriage and a spawn of our own.

Sometimes I feel like I should have been a little more reckless in my youth. Used a little less birth control. Because if I had a child of my own already I might not feel this pressure to find someone. Who knows, I did try and get pregnant once when I was married, but to no avail. I’ve always thought that was a blessing, but, perhaps maybe it wasn’t?

However…now that I’ve talked about getting older, time being ticking and the fact that I want a rugrat of my own, I’ve decided not to go in search of love. I’ve decided to go on a dating hiatus.

I mean, not forever, but at least until the end of September.

Because here’s the thing, being single is also incredibly awesome. I get to do what I want, when I want, and how I want. Nothing shitty about that. I want to be selfish for a while and keep my time as just that – MY TIME. Oh, and while I’m being selfish, I’ll also work on becoming a better person, growing my business, and preparing my mental well being so that when the time is right for Mr. Man of my Dreams to stroll into the picture, I will recognize him and I will be ready for him.

Right now I am not ready. My wounds are all too fresh. I look at cute, happy couples and am completely baffled by them. How do they do it? How has that old couple still holding hands managed to make it work? What does it feel like to have enough faith in a relationship that you can fight and still stick around to work things out? How do you let someone in and love and trust them unconditionally with the faith that they will love and trust you back?

I don’t get it. And that’s sad, because I really feel like I should. So until I do get it, let the non-dating games begin!

Blogfully yours,

Summer

Dating debating

 

Why yes, I am SUPER athletic.

Oh how I love my friends. This picture is the result of an overly creative mind who happens to be a pro at Photoshop (and making me laugh).

Blogfully yours,

Summer

Random

Recently I met a friend for coffee who I hadn’t been in touch with for seven or eight months. Over our hour long visit of catching up on each other’s lives, I realized how much has changed for me since the beginning of the year.

1. I graduated from college.
2. I got my license to sell insurance.
3. I started a new career.
4. I backpacked the Grand Canyon.
5. I ended yet another long term relationship.
6. I moved, twice.
7. I started training to enter a bodybuilding competition.
8. I re-entered the dating world (only to find out that I am not really ready to be in it).

You know, all totally minor things.

I do like to constantly reinvent myself, but when I see this list even I am a little flustered by it. When my friend asked me, “so what ya been up to lately?”, I didn’t really know where to start. It took her refreshing my memory in a lot of areas to even realize just how much has happened.

Lately I’ve been feeling exhausted a lot. I get frustrated with myself and can’t figure out just what exactly is my problem. Um, hello Self, I am exhausted from this crazy life we are leading!

Go.

Go.

GO!

In typical Summer fashion, when stress piles up, I add more to it and blow full speed ahead.
Starting a new career takes time. Mending a broken heart takes time. Transforming your body into a competition ready body takes time. Adjusting to a new home takes time. Yet for some reason I think I should be able to handle all of it flawlessly at once. But of course I can’t, and I’m not, handling it flawlessly that is. Who could?

My beautifully wise friend told me that I needed to be more patient with myself. I laughed when she told me she had never met anyone with both too much gumption and not enough self-esteem, all at the same time.

I laugh because it’s true.

But don’t worry, I’ve got “manage expectations better” added on my list of things to work on – right after “become a famous fitness model” and “own a multi-million dollar company.”

A girl’s gotta dream, right?

Blogfully yours,

Summer

Just me, Reinventing Summer