Obviously My Lack of Self Control Started at a Young Age
Recently I read an essay about whether college students—the ones who are straight out of high school—are considered adults or children.
I think they are neither.
In the essay (“Campus Climate Control” in case you are curious), the author mainly debates the needs for a balance between no adult supervision and an overly dominate presence on campus. I’m not particularly interested in that part and I can’t speak to what campus life is like. What I can share are my own feelings of going through that child-not-yet-adult stage.
I remember very clearly the strange transition from being under my parent’s ever present watch and guidance to being on my own to make my own decisions. All of a sudden I was working a full time job. I had credit cards and a lease on an apartment. I was completely dumbfounded by the amount of responsibility that was seemingly handed to me overnight. I kept thinking ‘when are these people going to realize I have no idea what I am doing?’
I was still a teenager but I had utility bills and a car lease in my name! Soon it became almost a game of sorts to see just how many people would extend credit to me. After a while I had credit cards (and bills) for every major department and retail store in town. I had no one to tell me to be careful or to watch what I was doing, so I took the feeling of freedom and the high I got from buying whatever I wanted and I ran with it!
Before I knew it my monthly bills were leaving me with no discretionary income. I was grocery shopping in my parents kitchen (something I still do from time to time) and using my credit card (that wasn’t at its limit) to buy gas for my car.
Outside of bills, I had no one to remind me how important it was to wake up and go to class because education actually is important, so I dropped out—a mistake I would realize ten years later.
At the time I would tell you that I had everything under control and I knew what I was doing, but truth be told I was scared out of my mind! I kept waiting to feel like an adult, but most of the time I felt like a kid dressing up in her moms clothes.
It was a weird scary place to be that’s for sure, one that I am so glad I do not live in anymore. Not that this next stage of NOT being asked for ID when you go to the liquor store is so great or anything. I’m just saying it’s nice to finally know what I am doing. It’s nice to not be in the “neither” stage. It’s nice to be… an adult?
Blogfully yours,
Summer
Fuck being a grown-up. I refuse.