Step 1. Find a time and location that works for both of you where there will be minimal distractions.

Step 2. Make sure there is plenty of wine and/or vodka.

Step 3. Upon seeing each other for the first time in over a week, hug until you can not breath.

Step 4. Cry.

Step 5. Pour two glasses of wine to the brim and make sandwiches.

Step 6. Put children to bed, pour second glasses of wine and sit on couches holding pillows.

Step 7. Have “the talk”. Apologize, accept responsibility, come up with a plan to never fight again and promise to prioritize your friendship.

Step 8. Cry some more. Hug some more. Top off wine glasses.

Step 9. Watch three episodes of Weeds. Compare the characters to people you actually know.

Step 10. Pause weeds. Microwave home waxing kit. Wax each others eyebrows and peach fuzz. Laugh at how ridiculous you both look in the mirror.

Step 11. Text boyfriend to let him know you got your best friend back but you are missing an eyebrow. Laugh hysterically when he believes you.

Step 12. Realize the time. Hug again, say goodbye and I love you. Text when arriving home safely. Finally sleep through the night.

Blogfully yours,

Summer

K to the R stories, Lessons Learned

I was a late bloomer. While my friends were holding hands with boys and getting their first kisses, I was doing my best to not be noticed. I had bad acne, braces and I was taller than all of the boys. It wasn’t until I was 15 that I started to discover my own femininity. It was as if everything happened overnight. I got my braces off, finished the medicine that cleared up my acne and started to gain the confidence to hold my head up high. All of the sudden, men started staring at me. At first, it scared me, but then I discovered that men were not the only ones who could stare. I created a little staring game, I called it “The Eye Contact Game”. It was one sided, since I was the only one aware of the game. I would catch a man looking at me, make eye contact and the first person to look away lost. I always won. I remember distinctly being on vacation with my family in Las Vegas walking the strip. I was playing my game and would get such a thrill over the power of being able to make a man blush or become nervous. Of course none of the men ever approached me because I was with my family. I felt safe, in control and highly amused.  Little did I realize the dangers of my little game. Little did I realize that most men are not well intentioned and nothing invites them to disrupt your life more than engaging in eye contact.

The full extent of this danger was not recognized until I reached my mid-twenties. I was recently divorced from a man I married straight out of high school and single for the first time in my adult life. I went out with a few of my girlfriends to a club and quickly realized the rules to my game had changed. The game had been stripped of all of the innocent fun my youthful mind had created. No longer was I protected by my family or a wedding ring. Men became hunters and I was their prey standing unknowingly in the middle of a field inviting them to attack with my eyes.

Quickly my girlfriends came to my aide like protective tigresses watching over their cub. They had been playing the adult version of the eye contact game for quite some time and knew the rules of engagement. They feared–and with good cause–that my naivety would lead me to right into the hunters trap.

I’d like to say they were successful in their mission to protect me, but the truth of the matter is I trusted kind looking men thinking they were decent people only to find that they were not decent at all. They were simply hunters, wanting to feed on my sexuality, my kind heart, my stable nature; and leave me with nothing but emotional scars. After two years in this adult jungle I started to avoid eye contact all together. keeping my eyes on the ground or towards the task at hand. I feared who might be looking at me wherever I went, but wouldn’t dare to look up. On the off chances I did look up, it was in a nervous, fleeting manner and there was definitely no eye contact made. How strange to go from a confident teenager, feeling power from the effect of her glance, to an insecure adult afraid to look at a stranger passing by her on the street.

Now here I sit, nearing 30 and having found a balance that is somewhere near the middle, yet closer to eyes to the floor. My fear of men remains, but I have learned how to smile politely and still give off the vibe of unapproachable. As a female, I do not know what the correct way to look at a man is. I wonder if I were to have a daughter, what would I tell her to ensure she doesn’t make the same mistakes. How do you come across as a confident woman, looking at whomever you please, and not invite them in? And if they do approach, how do you guard against advances and stay true to the type of person you want to be?

Blogfully yours,

Summer

Essays, Story Time

What can I say? This weekend was an emotional one for me. It started out with a humongus fight between Karina the Russian and myself. This year has been a hard one for us. We have gone through more ups and downs than ever. It was less than two months ago when I wrote about our last fight, or rather, our last make up. This fight has been particularly hard on me, a lot of harsh things were said–on both of our parts–and I have had no way to get a hold of her due to her cell phone going AWOL.  We are both stubborn individuals and we are both hurting. I’ve blubbered about it to my sister and I’ve lashed out at ED when he didn’t deserve it. The only thing I could think of to make me feel better is shopping… and boy did I shop!

I am moving next weekend (insert happy dance) to my new place! To catch you up, I have been temporarily living with my parents for the past month until my new place is ready. IT’S FINALLY READY!!! And since I sold a lot of my old decorations to rid myself of bad juju, I needed to get new stuff. Retail therapy–I don’t care what anybody says–is great. Although I can’t say it helped me forget that I was fighting with my best friend. In fact, it made me miss her more.

Sunday I decided to abuse my body and rejuvenate my soul by going for a four mile downhill hike. My knees hate me right now, but look how totally beautiful it was!

The view from the top of Snowbird Resort

It was a little Chilly right after getting off the tram

But the hike is oh so worth it

The leaves are starting to change!

making mountain sides look on fire with bright oranges, reds and yellows

The wild flowers are still in bloom towards the bottom of the trail

But this has to be my favorite picture from the hike!

You’d think with the shopping and nature therapy I did this weekend I would be quite content – but I am not. I miss my best friend and I need to find a way to get over myself and get things back to the way they used to be. Life is too short to spend it upset and good friends are hard to come by. I just hope she’s come to the same conclusion!

Blogfully yours,

Summer

Hiking, K to the R stories, Moving Blows

I took my car to get the oil changed on my lunch break. It’s only about 5,000 miles over due for one, yeah,  I’m a responsible car owner like that. So I am sitting in the little waiting room by myself when another patron walks in to join me. This guy, let’s call him Gus, has had too much coffee, or possibly crack, for breakfast and can not sit still. I’m playing solitaire on my phone to avoid eye contact and the chance of having to engage in conversation while Gus sighs exhas…..

You know what I hate? I hate when I can’t think of the right word. Normally I can’t think of it because it’s a larger word that I don’t use in my everyday vocabulary, but I know it exists because I’ve heard it used before, normally by my father. It’s not so bad when I am writing because I can Google that shit. It is bad when I am having a conversation and end up sounding like a moron. For example, I’ll say, “Gus sighed exhasturbatedly” and then whoever I am talking to will say, “What? He was masterbating?” and I’m all, “NO! You know when you sigh and you blow air out your mouth really hard and it makes your lips bounce off each other? Yeah. What’s that called?” and I then I get BLANK STARES for a good 15 seconds. Then they are all, “you mean he was annoyed?” and I’m all “yeah, that works.”

EXASPERATEDLY!!!!

Yep. That’s a real word and everything.

Where was I? Oh yeah, Gus was… annoyed and/or bored and/or on crack and/or exasperated. Come to think of it, I don’t really like that word anyway…

So Gus decides to throw the rules of waiting room etiquette right out the window. He starts to sing a tune that is only playing in his head. Then when one of the air powered machine thingamabobs starts to click at a metronome pace, Gus starts his own drum solo on the plastic chairs. By this point I am too distracted to even play my mind-numbing game of phone solitaire when the Jiffy Lube employee walks in.

“Summer? We are ready to go over your invoice with you now if you will just follow me to the register.”

THANK GOD! Not a minute too soon. I smile politely at Gus as I make my way out of the waiting room. Gus, being the complete stranger yet cracked out gentleman that he was, did a giant air drum symbol crash and gave me a wink as I left the room. I’m not sure if I should be flattered. I mean he was a pretty decent chair drummer after all and apparently his performance was, in part, for my entertainment too. I think I may have blushed a little.  Really I suppose I should have thanked him for making my lube change an interesting experience.

The world is full of peculiar yet interesting people like Gus – helping to make the drab tasks of day to day life entertaining. I guess our job is to recognize them as such and avoid being put off or irritated by them. Because after all, wouldn’t the world be a boring place without the Gus’ of the world?

Blogfully yours,

Summer

Random, Story Time

Yesterday I spent a lovely lunch with my best friend, Karina the Russian. As we are getting ready to go she asked me how my school was going.

Me: “Ugh. I have to give a speech tonight. The teacher told us we could give it on anything we wanted.”

Karina the Russian: “Oh really?”

Me: “Guess what I picked.”

KtR: “Tell Me!”

Me: “How to Shave a Cat in Three Easy Steps.”

KtR: “Oh my God! Let me get this straight… you are giving a speech on shaving your pussy?”

Me: “Yep.”

KtR: “You HAVE to say pussy in your speech! Please. PLEASE? You have to throw it in there! At least once? I promise you will get everyones attention. In fact, I bet you will get an A plus! DO IT! Say pussy in your speech!”

Me: “Honey I can’t do that! They are recording our speeches to review later. This is like, for a real grade.”

KtR: “DO IT!”

Me: “NO!”

KtR: “Pussy.”

Apparently Karina’s entertainment is more important than my grades, which makes her a shitty friend. OK, that’s a lie. She is totally the best friend anyone could ever ask for.

In case you are wondering, because Karina was, no, I did not use pussy in my speech. Maybe I am a coward, but at least I am a coward who got an A on her speech.

Blogfully yours,

Summer

K to the R stories, Story Time

I’m home.

I’m sunburned.

Every muscle in my body is sore.

Which means, Lake Powell 2009 was a complete success and I am one happy girl!

I got a late start on Thursday night. After loading my niece and nephew in the car, we picked up my adorable friend and sanity granter, Heidi, and  drove four hours to St. George where we stayed the night with my grandparents. We woke super early and drove the remaining two hours to Wahweap Marina in AZ.

I am NOT a morning person. This was the best I could manage...

These two adorable children, belonging to my older sister, stole a small piece of my sanity but were fairly good for the drive down.

After getting picked up by my parents at the marina, we headed to home base — home base being a two story houseboat loaded with 14 other people.

We unloaded our stuff and immediately headed back out on the lake to wake board. Why waste precious time right?

I did the best I had ever done! Which means I stayed up for a minute and a half. GO ME!

My pops is a major bad ass. 57 and still rocking the wake board!

Heidi driving the boat like the pro she is.

The second day we took a trip to a beautiful area called Navajo Canyon. When I was little I used to make faces and creatures out of the rock formations. I still do, only now my imagination is not quite as creative and may have a slight PG-13 rating to it.

My adorable mother.

Later that day my cousin Jenni invited our other cousin M.E., Heidi, and myself to ride on some crazy four person tube. Immediately I thought of the countless times I have been whipped to death on tubes while the driver laughs menacingly. But I shook it off, and said yes to the adventure!

Here we are flying through the air at warp speed, at least that is how it felt. We clung to the handles as if our lives depended on it, because they did.

And here we are after we stopped, smiling because we knew we would live to see another day.

I’d like to say I slept like a rock after all of the fun and adventure, but I was so sore that I couldn’t sleep. I was wide awake at 3 am the last night so I went outside to look at the stars. There was no moon, no clouds and no breeze to speak of. The water was black and it stretched out to the shore across the cove from it. The rocky cliffs that lined the horizon were a dark gray that reached up to the night sky which was littered with billions of stars. It was absolutely beautiful! My words do not even begin to do it justice. But take my word, there is nothing quite like it.

Sunday morning we woke early, packed up and started the slow treck back to the marina on the houseboat. Heidi and I sat on top, feeling like we were on a cruise ship.

Oddly enough this is the only picture of us not in our bikinis.

Ahh Lake Powell. My water heaven! My happy place! My sanity builder! How I will miss you!

Until we meet again next year, thanks for the memories!

Blogfully yours,

Summer

Vacations

My friend Susan once asked me if I ever get bored while taking a bath. She claims she does not have ADD, but I’m not convinced… Anyway, when she asked it seemed like the most absurd question anyone could possibly ask me, but how was she to know that I have the soul of a water dwelling creature? It’s true. You know how people say that someone has an “old soul”? Well, I have a water soul. I LOVE WATER.  I cherish baths, I take long showers and sometimes finish them with a bath. I love hot tubs, swimming pools, lakes and oceans. When I was a little girl my mother would call me her “little fish”. Trust me, if I could, I would LIVE in water!

All this is to tell you I am preparing to embark on an entirely too short weekend trip to my most favorite water destination. Ever.

LAKE POWELL!

I am bringing with me on my journey to all things beautiful, wet and serene, me trusty traveling companion Heidi and my niece and nephew (long story). We leave Thursday night and are driving 3/4 of the way and spending the night with my grandparents. Then, in the morning we will get up like kids on Christmas morning and drive the remaining 2 hours to paradise where a party of fellow water lovers will be waiting to meet us!

I can’t wait!

If you have never been to Lake Powell, are a water lover, or a lover of the wonders this world has to offer, I highly suggest you get off your ass and go add visit Lake Powell to your “to do” list. Trust me, there is nothing like it!

Blogfully yours,

Summer

Vacations

Recently I read an essay about whether college students—the ones who are straight out of high school—are considered adults or children.

I think they are neither.

In the essay (“Campus Climate Control” in case you are curious), the author mainly debates the needs for a balance between no adult supervision and an overly dominate presence on campus. I’m not particularly interested in that part and I can’t speak to what campus life is like. What I can share are my own feelings of going through that child-not-yet-adult stage.

I remember very clearly the strange transition from being under my parent’s ever present watch and guidance to being on my own to make my own decisions. All of a sudden I was working a full time job. I had credit cards and a lease on an apartment. I was completely dumbfounded by the amount of responsibility that was seemingly handed to me overnight. I kept thinking ‘when are these people going to realize I have no idea what I am doing?’

I was still a teenager but I had utility bills and a car lease in my name! Soon it became almost a  game of sorts to see just how many people would extend credit to me. After a while I had credit cards (and bills) for every major department and retail store in town. I had no one to tell me to be careful or to watch what I was doing, so I took the feeling of freedom and the high I got from buying whatever I wanted and I ran with it!

Before I knew it my monthly bills were leaving me with no discretionary income. I was grocery shopping in my parents kitchen (something I still do from time to time) and using my credit card (that wasn’t at its limit) to buy gas for my car.

Outside of bills, I had no one to remind me how important it was to wake up and go to class because education actually is important, so I dropped out—a mistake I would realize ten years later.

At the time I would tell you that I had everything under control and I knew what I was doing, but truth be told I was scared out of my mind! I kept waiting to feel like an adult, but most of the time I felt like a kid dressing up in her moms clothes.

It was a weird scary place to be that’s for sure, one that I am so glad I do not live in anymore. Not that this next stage of NOT being asked for ID when you go to the liquor store is so great or anything. I’m just saying it’s nice to finally know what I am doing.  It’s nice to not be in the “neither” stage. It’s nice to be… an adult?

Blogfully yours,

Summer

Just me, Lessons Learned, Story Time

The only thing worse than spending the weekend studying is spending the weekend sick in bed.

Friday night I yacked my guts out in ED’s toilet and shivering in bed next to him. I even got a little throw up on his t-shirt.

Yeah, I’m such a sexy girlfriend.

Saturday ED took care of me in between my naps and complaints about how freezing cold it was and how my throat was swelling at a rapid rate.

By the time I woke up on Sunday my throat was swollen to double the size and I could no longer swallow my own spit, yet alone any other fluids,  so I decided it was time to get some medical help.

I knew I had Strep throat before I walked through the Instacare doors. I’ve had it every year since I was a little girl so I recognize it instantly. Unfortunately knowing I have it will not get me the antibiotics needed to take it away and since I bought jewelery in Mexico instead of  antibiotics, I had to suffer a 45 minute wait to get them.

So here I sit, miserable and achy. One day in to my 4 pills a day for 10 days regime. ED is home studying and my parents have left for Lake Powell (I will be joining them at the end of the week – more on that soon) so I have no one to bitch to except my cat and she sympathy is not exactly her strong point.

Ahh well. On the bright side I have a free pass to eat lots of ice cream and watch bad TV.

Blogfully yours,

Summer

Bag full of complaints

If you have ever taken an online class you know there is a lot of reading and writing involved. The class instructor writes out mini lectures for you to read, he/she responds to your papers as well as the rest of the classes papers and so on.

For those of you who haven’t ever taken an online class, stay with me because you know how when you read a book and in your head each character has a voice that you hear when you read them?

Still with me?

Okay.

So my online teacher writes exactly like Doug Fabrizio talks! And let me tell you, I think Doug Fabrizio has a super sexy, take me to bed with your intellectual commentary bad-ass voice!

For those of you who do not know who I am talking about, Mr. Fabrizio is a local (award-winning) radio host on Utah’s NPR station, KUER 90.1.

In other words, I am being taught by someone who not only talks like McDreamy from Greys Anatomy – he looks like him too.

McFabrizio

Pretty close to every college girls fantasy teacher… at least mine anyway.

Blogfully yours,

Summer

Back to School